Agoraphobia Support Group

Here are some excerpts from an article I just read by Stephen Price.

Many people who suffer from agoraphobia feel like they need to get the significant people in their lives to understand and support them before they can recover. This isn't true.

Two problems with this belief are:

1) Ultimately, you can't change other people.

2) If the people closest to you are thick-headed, obstinate, or stubborn then you are likely to waste effort and energy on something pointless. You could direct this energy toward what is most important - your recovery.

While it is nice, and helpful, if the people closest to you are understanding and supportive it is not necessary for recovery.

Your recovery has to do with you and what you believe, not what others believe. Also, your recovery doesn't rest on the attitudes of other people about you. Remember that.

I have found that I am wasting a lot of time and energy talking to my mom and boyfriend lately about what is going on and what I can do and what I can't do. Trying to get them to understand. Bottom line is I'm wasting my energy. They don't fully understand and they have told me this.

Today my boyfriend told me that is why he is happy I have this group. He can't understand like the people here do that actually have this and live this. He believes me, so does my mom. They don't think I am making this up or trying to get out of things. They believe this is real but they just can't fully understand. I think that is plenty that they do just that.

Thanks Jojo, I definately needed to hear that! Although most of the people in my life are pretty supportive, I feel like I waste tons of time trying to get them to understand every single detail, thinking that maybe if they truly understand me I'll get better quicker. It is kind of like when I actually realized that I AM my safe person and I don't need to cling to someone and be around a certain person to feel safe and comfortable. Thanks again!!

I think another huge thing a lot of people experience with this illness is guilt.

I think for me personally I try to explain everything to those around me so much because I want them to understand so bad because I feel guilty that I am not doing what I think they expect out of me. I need to focus on me and not feel so guilty. I did not ask for this, none of us did.

This guilt and need for understanding is just preventing me from truly getting better.

Post edited by: jojobear, at: 05/12/2010 02:46 PM

The guilt is definately what gets me the most. I feel so completely guilty sometimes that I end up pressuring myself way more than I should to get better and that just makes me a nervous wreck. I feel like if they understand that I'm not doing it on purpose, they won't hold it against me that I'm not doing more for them.

Guilt and shame. The two most dangerous and yet common emotions associated with this illness.

I believe the guilt comes often from a low sense of self and our own inability to accept this illness as not a weakness. That is so unfortunate. It is great to get understanding but it is not necessary. When the self esteem is high, a person is confident in their thoughts, beliefs and opinions. While being understood is a bonus it does not define this kind of person. He/she can express themselves once and walk away without obsessing about whether they are being believed. The only thing that counts is that THEY KNOW.

This was a huge thing for me. I had no idea I had this issue until it was pointed out to me. When I looked deeper I realized that I was the one allowing others to dictate how I felt. It was not them, it was me. I am the only one that has the ability to make myself feel a certain way. It is so empowering to realize that. Now only a few can hurt me and only for a moment. In the end the definition of who I am does not change with the moods of people around me. I am who I am no matter what someone else has to say.

So no, we can't change those around us but we can change ourselves and our reactions. This journey is ours and ours alone. People get on the bus, people get off. There is only one constant and that is YOU.