|
|
|
|
LadyBunnie Posts: 3125
VIP Member
|
Hello homies... long time and very little from this end. It was good, then it was bad, then it got REAL bad and then I came so close to using again... well we won't even go there. I didn't do it. I called a hotline. Don't ever call a hotline. Those people put you on HOLD. And then a series of events happened this week that killed all my self confidence and I have been shut in and isolated for 2 days now. I even shut my phone off. And I'm not so sure about tomorrow either. 100 steps forward and 300 back. I'm not even sure how this happened, I haven't felt like this in almost a year and BAM. I isolated to keep myself from using, but.... which is more unhealthy? Who knows. I could really use someone to talk to that understands this... Flight - Sutton Foster - Wish~~~~This song gives me hope http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9iZwX-aV8k ❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫“Only one thing registers on the subconscious mind: repetitive application. Practice. What you
practice is what you manifest.” — Grace Speare❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫
❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫ “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.” — Beverly Sills❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫
There are three types of effort: easy, difficult, and impossible. The easy ones teach us
appreciation and laughter. The difficult ones teach us patience and perseverance. The
impossible ones teach us humility, surrender, and spirituality
:¨·.·¨:
`·..Chandra ♥ ഇ
|
|
Reply |
|
|
|
Annette1
|
I just sent you a PM |
|
|
|
|
|
LadyBunnie Posts: 3125
VIP Member
|
"Before I am gone" is the last line of the song I posted btw. Thank you Tracey <3 ❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫“Only one thing registers on the subconscious mind: repetitive application. Practice. What you
practice is what you manifest.” — Grace Speare❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫
❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫ “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.” — Beverly Sills❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫
There are three types of effort: easy, difficult, and impossible. The easy ones teach us
appreciation and laughter. The difficult ones teach us patience and perseverance. The
impossible ones teach us humility, surrender, and spirituality
:¨·.·¨:
`·..Chandra ♥ ഇ |
|
|
|
|
|
jmick  Posts: 13895
VIP Member
|
Chandra, I'm sorry you're doing so poorly. Just remember how good things have been going and know that you will get back to that point again. Earlier this week I was having major anxiety, worse than I have had in a year. All I could think about was finding a bottle of booze and getting wasted but I didn't. And guess what happened... I woke up this morning feeling absolutely great. Hard times always pass, I promise  By the way... they put you on HOLD?!? That's unbelievable... Kevin
"It's often said that life is strange, oh yes, but compared to what?" |
|
|
|
|
|
Knightmare  Posts: 1663
Senior Member
|
Chandra I am so sorry you aren't doing good. Big Hugs to you. Please be good to yourself. |
|
|
|
|
|
krissy1105 Posts: 913
Member
|
Hey Chan, Kevin is right, this will pass. If my husband was not sober, I am sure I would be drunk curled up in a ball somewhere right now. I can not tell you how many times I have wanted to drink my way out of this illness. Hang in there! I am here if you need an ear |
|
|
|
|
|
LadyBunnie Posts: 3125
VIP Member
|
The need has passed before without me isolating.. thats the part that scares the shit out of me. Its so strong that I feel I have to hide from it. As I told Wen in a message, I have an addictive personality. I have used different addictions since I was 16 to control or hide my panic disorder. The odd thing is that I'm not anxious or panicky... unless you want me to go somewhere... which I haven't been scared of in almost a year. I had to push myself out the door on saturday to go see a movie. How does someone regress so quickly? Spring break is coming up and im terrified of it. A full week of me sitting at home... Thinking about all the crap that has gone wrong in the last few weeks. Bleh, this story is so long. I'm wearing down, big time, and starting to give up a little... its so much easier to give in and just sleep than get up every day and fight all day long. Post edited by: LadyBunnie, at: 03/11/2010 07:33 PM ❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫“Only one thing registers on the subconscious mind: repetitive application. Practice. What you
practice is what you manifest.” — Grace Speare❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫
❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫ “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.” — Beverly Sills❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫
There are three types of effort: easy, difficult, and impossible. The easy ones teach us
appreciation and laughter. The difficult ones teach us patience and perseverance. The
impossible ones teach us humility, surrender, and spirituality
:¨·.·¨:
`·..Chandra ♥ ഇ |
|
|
|
|
|
Anna321 Posts: 10508
VIP Member
|
Hey Chandra, I am so sorry also.. I really feel for you and I know how you are feeling. A couple of years ago I had a massive setback after doing incredibly well for a long, long time. They had to tranquilize me to get me to sleep after 3 days of constant panic. I avoided everything. It scared the shit out of me. Good news is, it didn't last long. I came out of it and recovered relatively quickly. I hope you are able not to give it emotional value. I hope you are able to just let it be. It is hard I know, but it will help tremendously. You have done this before. You will do it again, only this time faster. You have been doing so unbelievably well, hold on to that. I am so proud of you for not giving into your urges to use again. Maybe this is a self-protective mode. You are strong, this will pass. |
|
|
|
|
|
ssevensstars Posts: 1156
Senior Member
|
Hey Chandra, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I have personally gone through addiction and know how hard the whole process is. Like you I have an addictive personality and sometimes the urge to use gets so bad I want to tear all my skin off and curl up in a ball. I don't usually talk about my problems with drugs, sometimes I find it hard to without feeling the urge. You're so amazing and have been doing SO well that I think you'll be able to get out of this... In fact, I know you will... you're strong! You've truly had a rough year so far, from what I've read and known about. Maybe you just do need a break, but keep your head up Chan, I love you. Huge warm hugs!!! Post edited by: ssevensstars, at: 03/11/2010 08:40 PM Always run towards what you want, never run away from what scares you.
We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. ~ Oscar Wilde |
|
|
|
|
|
LadyBunnie Posts: 3125
VIP Member
|
Thanks guys and gals ❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫“Only one thing registers on the subconscious mind: repetitive application. Practice. What you
practice is what you manifest.” — Grace Speare❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫
❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫ “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.” — Beverly Sills❥ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫
There are three types of effort: easy, difficult, and impossible. The easy ones teach us
appreciation and laughter. The difficult ones teach us patience and perseverance. The
impossible ones teach us humility, surrender, and spirituality
:¨·.·¨:
`·..Chandra ♥ ഇ |
|
Reply |
|
