Adrenal Insufficiency Support Group

I haven't been this teary and depressed for a very long time. Each time I get myself under control, I start blubbering all over again. I keep thinking to myself that I just want to get better, and I'm trying to do as much as I can, following dr's orders, getting tests done, doing research - and I feel like I'm taking two steps forward and three steps back.

I don't think others around me understand how debilitating this is becoming. The lack of motivation and energy is frustrating me soooo much. My mind wants to do things, but my body and motivation can't match up, not by any stretch of the imagination.

I am irritable beyond belief. At this point, I could snap anybody's head off. Then, I would cry all over them.

The last time I felt like this, about 6 years ago, I went back onto the anti-depressants, after the birth of my son. But I have been relaxing, not worrying about things too much, and I definately don't have the stress now, that I had back then.

As I'm wallowing in my self pity, all I can think about is that all I want to do is get better.

Anyway, as i've wet the keyboard enough, and cried rivers into my coffee cup, thanks for listening if you got this far.

Just needed to let it out to someone who might understand, and there's no one close enough to me that has gone thru all of this.

Gail

Post edited by: gwebb, at: 01/19/2010 05:50 PM

Fall 7 times, get up 8 (Japanese Proverb).

But, first give yourself some time to feel what you are feeling and get it all out. Get up when you are ready.

Know that many of us have been where you are, and just because we aren't right now...we might be tomorrow. I totally understand what you are feeling...the head wants to and the body can't. So, then it's time to change some expectations of ourselves and also give ourselves a break. Hope you have a good cry and let it all out. Thinking of you and hoping you see the sun shine soon.

Chelle

You know that is almost EXACTLY what I'm going through, right now. I haven't gotten past it yet. The endo put me on wellbutrin to try and help with energy, plus the B12. Feeling like you can't do anything can be very depressing, so maybe consider an antidepressant for just a little while. If I do try to do much of anything, beyond maybe one load of laundry, I'll end up in bed the next day. My husband is going out of town for a few days, and I have nobody to help me! I have no idea how I will get through. Hopefully the drugs will have kicked in by then.

thanks Chelle and Cynthia. I feel abit better now. Had the tears flowing there for awhile, but they have stopped. I went and had a swim in the pool, nice and quietly, and let myself just feel it all. I still feel down, just not crying at the drop of a hat.

Gail

Gail and Cynthia,

I wish I had the magic answer to take this overwhelming feeling away. All I can say is that you have many shoulders here to lean on. Some that are going through it personally and some that are supporting loved ones. We all understand in varying degrees but we are here for you.

Tears are the soul's band-aid so cry and let yourself heal.

Thinking of you.

Sue

Hi Gail

Its been a while since I worked on mind related stuff so I am a little bit rusty. It is also bound to be a little long!

Left brain/logic approach!

Lets cut right to the root of the problem. At a logical and simplistic level you know your body is incapable of the physical activity that you use to do. You know the base reason or are pretty close to it such that if you stick to science alone how well you are performing is pretty well within norms.

Your brain however is beating you up over it. Stupid brain!

There are theories abound that explain this behaviour. The one I like is the "unconscious programming" one where over the years of childhood and life in general you have been invisibly programmed with a set of "values" that determine how your mind handles certain events. Even things like childhood trauma can factor in and lead to strange feelings in later life.

When you encounter a set of events that contradict this "programming" it can create conflict at various levels. Illnesses for example can be "made up" by the brain doing a dummy-spit, you can feel bad over an obviously right logical decision and you can feel depressed when your normal self expectations arent met..

The programming needs change! Unfortunately it is always very deep and often invisible. Thats why the use of hypnosis and "help" that consists of reliving prior events and asking how one "felt" are used so much. The idea is to make the program visible so you can change it. Crying about stuff also tends to make the old programming surface as does looking at old photos that remind you of life defining events. It's as simple as opening the feeling and inserting the logic.. Sounds easy but can take a while!

My thoughts are that you have to define you value in light of your physical limitations. Even become sweetly arrogant at those around you by suggesting that they do some research on the rare problem you have and then contribute to the fix! That gives you self power. In the job I just had I was employed by two DVM's that understood the physical limits imposed by low cortisol. One of them joked that they had to know a lot more about it than a regular MD because pets couldnt talk! Education of not only you but those that are close is pretty important.

The only downside of learning about this stuff is that you learn to deflect probing by a shrink person. I went to see one specifically for (self) learning about what was going on. I eventually made her cry! <grin>

Bob

Sue, thanks for that. Just letting it out diminishes it a bit.

Bob, how did you make the shrink cry? Did she cry out of empathy or frustration?

Gail

Post edited by: gwebb, at: 01/20/2010 11:11 AM

Hi Gail..

She wouldnt say, apart from that it was unusual/unprecedented! I think she learned something about herself and/or her technique...

Sorry, nothing more juicy than that!

Being a guy I use to find smashing things into little pieces use to help as well. Very handy if something actually needed smashing (like rock garden walls etc) but not so good if it didnt.. The trick was to marry up the need to smash in both supply and demand!

I actually like one of the Japanese ideals, that since a person in their culture has to hold all their emotions in, then getting roaring drunk and releasing it all is actually publicly acceptable. What I was reading was in medievil Japan. I dont know how relevant it is today.

I like the quote in of all movies, Crocodile Dundee. Something about if you have a problem you just tell Wally and by morning the whole town knows, so its no longer a problem... Not relevant to AI really but hey anything that makes one laugh is good!

Bob

Darn, I was looking for some more juicy info. LOL. And yes, a good laugh does make you feel better. And I do understand the logic in the Crocodile Dundee movie about telling Wally.

That is what happens, sometimes, where we live. It's a small fishing town, about 45 klms away from the city, and anything small that happens, it soon gets around. You can be walking along the beach here and you meet someone whilst there and they will bring it up with you. It no longer is a problem as it's worked out then and there. You know what I mean.

Gail

Gail,

The only wisdom I can offer is that "this too shall pass." You will adjust. For now, own your tears and let them out when you need to. It's all part of the unfolding, letting go, and claiming the new. I always tell my students that in order to take hold of life with both hands, sometimes you have to let go of something first...

you might have to let go of some expectations you have as to what you think your life "should" be like. (Hate that word should).

You are what you are. Own the moment and live the moment,

Now that I've given you all my gems from the philosophy class I teach...

Deb