Adoption Support Group

I have a 4 yr old adopted son who this morning asked if he had been in my tummy as a baby. I had to tell him the truth and say no. He then asked me if he had been in daddy's tummy. Again I said no...of course he didn't understand and wanted an explanation at 5:30am.

AJ came to us through foster care at 2 days old and the adoption was final just after his 1st birthday. We also have other child, Jamie who is 2 and was also adopted through foster care. AJ has been exposed to the foster care system and has met Jamie's biological mother several times during agency visits. So I think he understands that Jamie has two mommies. I don't think he has considered that he might have two mommies as well.

So at 5:30am I did the best I could (not a morning person) to explain to him that he had grown in another mommies tummy but that she couldn't love him as much as we could so God let us be his mommy and daddy. He is at school today and I know it is stewing in his little brain. No idea what his next question will be but if there is anyone with advice or similar experiences I would love to hear from you.

karnerb, welcome to the group. I must say you have a very smart little boy on your hands. I remember when I was little that my Mom would always tell me that she carried me in her heart. I didnn't understand until I was about six or seven when a relative was pregnant, obviously. Being adopted was never a secret in our family, even though I look just like my Dad. The only thing is that when I asked about why I was given up, my mom would always tell me it was because she was doing what was best for me because she couldn't take care of me on her own. I think it might have helped me to hear that it wasn't because she didn't love me, or loved me less than my parents, but that she loved me enough to give me the best. It may not apply to your situation, but it worked for me.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

SP

Sweetpea

Thanks so much for your reply and I really appreciate your insight. You brought up a really good point about his biological mother loving him enough to give him up which was exactly the case. She knew she couldn't care for him so she made sure that he was placed in the right hands (not a dumpster or back alley) I will be sure to stress that fact.

You're welcome, I do hope this helps.