MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
03/13/2009 04:58 AM

Husband with undiagnosed ADHD - can anyone help

sarahvp123
Posts: 258
Member

i am convinced my husband is unwell. We went through a lot last year and i noticed he was losing things a lot. He lost his telephone and wallet on nights out about 7/8 times. He's so forgetful. My frustration with him was his ongoing messiness, disorganisation and his hyperactivity - also his inability to listen. When we have people over for dinner he can't sit still is always playing with the music and talking over people and it's made me livid in the past. The only time he sits still is to watch tv. or a video. He drinks a lot and is always on the go. He will never sit down to do filing or talk about money. So as a consequence we're always in a mess. His family joke that he had undiagnosed Adhd when he was a child but i'm beginning to think they were right. Anyway we went through so much last year - IVF, Miscarraige, he was made a partner in a law firm, he never sleeps - medicates himself on alcahol and piriton, is stressed all the time, we fell out with his parents, his mother also nearly died. Anyway in january he just got up started screaming at me 'you're killing me'/ i can't cope/ i have no energy/ but then he talked really quickly, started going out all night, very up and down, crying and then he left me. He did say over and over he loved me but i was killing him. He wouldn't get help or seek any reconciliation and he still to this day hasn't explained why he's left. it's like he's on a missile course he can't get off. Apparantly he's been going out a lot. In seven weeks he's been abusive, up and down and just sent me divorce papers. My theory is there is something wrong with him. He's had a meltdown and i think he's been managing his disorder for so long he can't cope. He wants to go and live in unpressurised chaos i think. He is managing his work well. working all nights and being a workaholic. I never new there was anything wrong with our relationship.
Reply

03/19/2009 06:46 AM
geni
geni  
Posts: 167
Member

Has your husband ever had any type of work up by a professional. I have A.D.D., O.C.D., and I am bi-polar. I can see some of the things your husband is doing as similar to what I do when I am not properly taking care of my condition. I am by no means a professional and I would urge you to seek a professional opinion. The ADD makes sense but it also sounds a lot like what I deal with as result of my bi-polar disorder. He without a doubt has severe mood swings! He also sounds very manic. When you say he can't sit still, doesn't sleep, just goes and goes sounds like a manic episode. Then you say he crashes and breaks down about how tired and stressed out he is....that could be going from manic to depressed. The good thing is this can be treated and controlled through medicine and counseling. I lived through hell until I finally decided to except my diagnosis. Now every aspect of my life is better. Not perfect but better. I no longer take part in the reckless behaviors that I used to. I am happily married after 7 years of chaos. I am an all around better person to be associated with. If he is willing to get help GREAT! If not you could still benefit from talking to someone yourself. They may be able to give you some insight and understanding of his actions. If he does not come back you would benefit from talking to someone for yourself. However, if he is not going to get help I am not so sure that you really would want him back in your life. I hope everything works out for you!

03/19/2009 06:51 AM
sarahvp123
Posts: 258
Member

I am convinced he is bipolar and also Adhd. I am not a doctor and he won't go and see one. Have you ever been manic. did you crash and come to your senses.

03/19/2009 09:00 AM
littlebopeep1
littlebopeep1  
Posts: 1624
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

What kind of thing is he doing?????that may think that he is Bipolar????

03/19/2009 09:06 AM
sarahvp123
Posts: 258
Member

Panic attack at xmas. followed by a week of screaming at me uniterrupted, drinking binges all night, crying, won't be touched, telling me how amazing he was, how awful i was, seriously aggitated, aggressive, sprained my wrist, left. Then screamed dwon the phone at me, over performing at work, divorce proceedings within 7 weeks. Now totally disassociated himself with me. screamed down the phone at friends. doesn't understand why no one can see his point of view.

03/23/2009 06:13 AM
littlebopeep1
littlebopeep1  
Posts: 1624
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I am not sure If I can help you with this matter. Does he or does he not have ADHD???Please let me know.....

03/26/2009 09:34 PM
dkpoto
 
Posts: 27
Member

He needs to seek a professional diagnosis. While some signs of ADHD seem to exist, there is a better chance that his wild vacillations are a result of bi-polar syndrome.

Don

Author, Dear Mary: My Life with ADHD


03/27/2009 03:45 AM
sarahvp123
Posts: 258
Member

I think i agree with you. That is how i feel. he's now started spending as well. He hates me and blames me for everything. it's incredibely upsetting.

03/27/2009 04:15 AM
YorkieLove
YorkieLove  
Posts: 7033
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I would also say that he sounds more like bipolar, but if he does drugs it can look like bipolar too.

03/27/2009 04:16 AM
sarahvp123
Posts: 258
Member

HE doesn't do drugs but drinks heavily. I think he's self medicating to be honest. It has been like being hit by a train. a week of screaming at me, drinking all night, attacking me. not sleeping. Then he just left, blaming me for everything, screaming down the phone, now divorcing me. Nothing was wrong. or so i thought.
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved