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04/07/2012 11:06 AM

So lonely and stressed

Andy27
 
Posts: 7
New Member

I am 45 have ADD and have struggled to get a job since being made redundant 4 years ago. I live alone and have become so lonely I am finding life unbearable.

Yes I do get out a bit and see people but still lonely. I want to be loved by someone, to be their first choice, to be cared about, and be able to love and care for them. My self esteem is getting worse.

A recent blood test indicate my cortisol (stress hormone) levels were extremely high (700+). A past girlfriend says I have clinical depression. ??? But is almost indifferent to my anguish. I don't know. I am exercising and eating a new food plan to improve my mental health. Dont want to touch anti depressants again as they make one impotent, and suicidal. I am so low right now. Cant see the point to life any more. Finding partner is like finding a needle in haystack. I feel ashamed of myself for not having a proper job, cant really socialise as I cant afford it. Just cant see a way out. I am not getting any younger and thoughts of the future are stressful I just want sleep. I dont want to wake. I feel an embarressement and although I am not bad looking realise no woman would consider me any more. Loneliness is such a painful emotion... I think about death a lot. I have asked for help and talked to people for the past few years but things have not gotten better. I am still unemployed and alone. The nights are difficult to cope with. I am praying for partner, a meaningful job, a life... Feeling very low..

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04/07/2012 11:26 AM
Colleenj
Colleenj  
Posts: 2158
Group Leader

Andy,

I wish I had some magic words I could utter and make everything all better, but I can't. I strongly urge you to seek some sort of counseling, particularly if you are having thoughts of suicide. We are a support group but not equipped to handle that level of need.

Please seek help from a professional.

Colleen


04/11/2012 01:34 PM
Andy27
 
Posts: 7
New Member

Thanks Colleen. I am OK. I get by. I just feel so alone sometimes.

The gym is helping.

Thanks again

A


04/12/2012 03:09 AM
mem5761

Have you thought about a group to join? Either a mental health type group therapy. Or, a book club....those are free. Those are just a couple of things that are inexpensive or free that could help you socialize more.

It sucks to be so low feeling, I do understand that feeling even though I am happily married. But it's true that you have to love and work on yourself before anyone else can love you back. it takes work I'm sure you already know.

When I get low and feel stuck in a miserable situation, I try to think of and DO just one thing that makes me feel better and more connected to the world....painting, writing in my journal, connecting with ppl online, taking a walk, etc


04/13/2012 09:09 AM
jenny1978
jenny1978  
Posts: 2606
VIP Member

Andy27,

Sweetie, please try not to think so badly of yourself. Just keep working on yourself until you get good and stable. I was told this once and it is SO true. You can't rely on someone else to make you happy. You have to find that happiness inside yourself and then you can share it with others. Also, when you least expect it, is when you will find a partner. That's how it was for me. I had been single for only like 4-5 months and was happy to be living alone for the first time. And also, I had NO plans of being with anyone in the near future at all. I was not looking for anyone in the least. I just wanted to be happy and live my life. Then out of the blue, a friend mentioned that she had a lesbian friend that was quite a bit older than me that just needed a friend that she could talk to and hang out with. I said cool because I didn't really have any lesbian friends to talk to either. I made sure this lady KNEW that I only anted to be friends. Well, this friend turned into my soulmate with the snap of the fingers. We fell in love at first site. We had been talking on the phone, but when we did meet it was amazing. The reason I tell you this is because I KNOW that you will find this too. I wasn't looking for anyone and I HONESTLY thought that I would be alone forever... Please try to tell yourself that you are going to have a more positive outlook on life. I know how it feels to be depressed, trust me. But you are worth getting yourself better. You will find someone when the time is right and you don't get to pick that time. That is left up to God. I'm here if you need to talk!


04/17/2012 07:07 PM
godspimp
godspimp  
Posts: 34
Member

Hey Andy... I understand where you are at.. Been there in the past... Perhaps you just need a different combination of meds, I don't know.. I am not a doctor... Are you seeing a pshych doctor and or a therapist? Do you go to any 12 step support groups? (they help me a lot!)

It does sound like you are in need of a pdoc/tdoc and some medication, which, if the right kind, can only help.. Hang in there..

Peace,

Ed


04/18/2012 04:24 PM
MaxPower90
MaxPower90  
Posts: 127
Member

Andy I want you to understand that not everyone that has suicidal thoughts is necessarily suicidal, it is something to be concerned about yes and I would recommend seeking help but I can relate to so much of what your saying. I almost think about death & suicide on a weekly basis to be honest but I also know that I'd never act on them either I know that it's sometimes more so my emotions getting the better of me, tell me more about the thoughts Andy have you thought about how you might do it? have you started to give possessions away? why specifically do you want to do it? do you have people you can reach out to like friends or family that will support you? it's important to get these emotions out Andy it's good coming on here and not repressing them and allowing them to race inside your head, I'm in social service work and one clinically proven method that can be beneficial to just about any client is journalling. more specifically hand written journals it helps you express your thoughts and emotions in a safe environment where you don't feel the need to justify yourself and it's just plain and simple a way to vent, you sound like you may be suffering from some sort of clinical depression although I can't be certain. If it makes you feel any better man being single and being lonely is a huge concern to me as well, yesterday I had this big elaborate scheme to get my X to take me back and then I go on facebook to see she's found someone else. I felt just as you feel I felt inadequate, I felt lonely, I felt like there was something wrong with me, I wrote a 3 page journal about how much I hate myself and how I want to blow the brains out of the back of my skull and you know what the great thing is I didn't mean a word of it, the second I was done writing I felt so relieved. I felt relieved because I was able to stop and reflect on it, realize that it was something written out of emotion and not sincerity, don't get me wrong try to be as positive as you can because it will help, but also just be realistic if you are feeling like crap don't keep it in write it down, pump the endorphins in you through excercise, post on here, yeah even masturbate haha I do it when I'm sexually frustrated and I'm sure many others can relate as well. Also this one is going to be tough to here but you need to not focus so hard on trying to find a partner because the harder you look the harder it will be to find one just lay back work on andy and let the chips fall were they may you'll find someone dude don't worry about it. I won't lie I'm a pretty charming guy and I don't have much problem talking to women or even getting their phone numbers but I've found myself forcing my last few relationships and not even enjoying them as a result I think the word I'd look for is tolerating them actually lol.

p.s. how do we all feel about FB because I find it gives me anxiety like a mother-fucker and portrays me in a really inaccurate, negative light so I deleted mine permanently but they have a 2 week waiting period before its finalized though... they are kind of marketing nazis. also if I'm offending anyone with my language I apologize and don't hesitate to let me know because I do tend to casually swear sometimes even when I'm not angry.


04/18/2012 05:21 PM
Colleenj
Colleenj  
Posts: 2158
Group Leader

Does FB=Facebook, because if so, I agree; it's not the best place in the world to meet people and when it's not f2f it's easy to get mixed up with the wrong people and get taken for an emotional, and in my case, financial ride. Having said that, I met my husband via an online dating service. There's nothing wrong with it, but there is a whole different set of rules you have to play by. One of the first things that this taught me was that I didn't need to hurry up and meet someone and marry the first man I dated. I was desperate and my desperation showed and people who are users can sniff out the neediest people so that they can use them for sex, money etc. This was the part where I learned that I had value. For the first time in my life, when it came to men, I realized that I had choices and didn't have to "settle for" anymore. I have since had gastric bypass surgery, but at the time I started this "dating" thing, I weighed right around 260. I could hear over and over in my head,"Who would want a fat, ugly, c&^% like you anyway." That wonderful self description is something my ex-husband

started and eventually I believed him. My point here is that you have to love and believe in yourself before someone else is going to.

You said you are currently unemployed. Is it possible that your depression is due to that? To be blunt, not many women go for unemployed men. You really would be better off to start addressing some of these issues before you try and get into a relationship. I am not trying to push religion here but I do believe in God and I believe he puts someone in your life when you least expect it. I was getting ready to give up the online dating and just accept that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. Less than 24 hours later, I got an email from a man who would end up putting a ring on my finger 2 weeks later. We have been together for 5 years and things are great; we get along very well and he treats me like a queen. But I didn't meet him, our paths didn't cross until I let go. It made all the difference in the world. And in the meantime, you got a lot of great suggestions from those who have posted.

I will keep you in prayers.

Colleen


04/22/2012 12:02 PM
Andy27
 
Posts: 7
New Member

Thank you to all for your feedback.

Thank you colleen. Your prayers are appreciated. I have been getting out more recently and finding the gym lifts me up. I enjoy a good work out and I am feeling better for it.

I also believe in God and pray. I attend a local church now too.

Yes you are right I do need a job, hopefully that is in line with my education and interests.

Feeling improved and pressing onwards. Living in hope.

Thank you.

Bless you. x


04/23/2012 07:40 PM
lealor
lealor  
Posts: 136
Member

wow....i needed this discussion, and andy i can understand exactely what you are going through...lets just say word for word it is me!...Colleen is an angel, and although she was initially writing to you, i needed this today myself. please look after yourself, get a job ( i have been off for 5 months) and my ex who came into my life recently again reminded me what a lazy fat, lazy crazy woman i was??? funny because i own more than him and he drinks every day to extreme. what i am saying to you is this - i would rather be alone than have someone berate me and kill my soul!! - Get a job - meet new people- the right person is right around the corner for us both when we start feeling healthy for ourself

I was petrified today about actually getting a job, 3rd interview!! I snapped driving home thinking i am not ready mentally for a job!!!! I called a long time friend who told me...getting a job is exactely what i need mentally !! SmileSmileSmileSmileSmile

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