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01/10/2010 12:24 AM

serious problem...love addiction

Billi1

Hello, I joined this group because someone else here has a similar problem.

I realize that addiction isn't just confined to drugs.

I am also addicted to how romantic love makes me feel.

I am friends with someone and feel obsessive toward them.

I can relate to the person on here who says life is miserable without a relationship.

I don't want to stop being friends with my friend that I am obsessed with, but I want to end my addiction to love.

I am happy with my husband, but still need this romance I am having with my friend...

Help...

Billi

Post edited by: Billi1, at: 01/10/2010 12:27 AM

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01/10/2010 02:33 AM
babies1
babies1  
Posts: 1980
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Billi, welcome to our group! Maybe you should join the OCD group also. I think there are a couple of people there who have the same uncontrollable thoughts and desires.

Anything that you do and can't stop doing is an addiction.

Sometimes when people have been married for a while, they become complacent in their relationship. Romantic times becomes farther and few between. A lot of people are addicted to the "Newness" of a relationship and like to feel those first butterflies you get in a new relationship. I don't think you are addicted to love, just addicted to the newness of a relationship.

Romance in a marriage doesn't have to wear off and it takes both people to participate. Why don't you try planning a romantic night with you husband and if he enjoys the evening, tell him you would like to keep a little more romance in your marriage.

You don't just "get married" and that's it. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and it takes a lot of work to make it work. I've been working on mine for 30yrs. now! Don't just be happy with your husband, do something to make you feel wonderful that he is in your life, something to bring back the old spark you once had.

I would suggest you end the relationship with the friend that you are obsessing over and turn your full attention to making your marriage better. Sometimes we can change our obsessions by going on to the next one. Try to change your mind's focus to your husband and things that you could do for/with him, feelings that made you marry him in the first place. You haven't lost that lovin feeling. Hope this helps.

hugs, jenn


01/10/2010 04:09 PM
rwhitley123
rwhitley123Posts: 205
Member

Infidelity sucks. Especially if your the one who is being cheated on.

It always hurts and destroys trust if not the relationship (marriage).

I know from personal experience on both ends.

I'm not a marriage counselor but I'd suggest that you think it through and see where it can lead, what you can lose as well as what you can get (VD) for instance.

Manogamy is where it's at.

Emotional affairs can be just as destructive.

If you really want to see others, get a divorce first.

Ray Ray


01/10/2010 04:53 PM
Frenchie
Frenchie  
Posts: 1872
VIP Member

I have to agree with Jenn and rwhitley123 too...I refuse to date, as I was an abductee,,but I feel too that if yyou want to see someone else, divorce should be a consideration......you'd say maybe what do I know about these things when I am an abstinent one...but what they are telling you is just good common sense. If you want to talk to me, you may pm me if you want, or email me. I will leave you my address in your pm's.......

01/13/2010 01:42 AM
Billi1

Well, I am ending it with Lia now, anyway, it was leading to destruction.

yes, my husband and almost seperated over this.

I agree that I wuold like to concentrate on him now.

I love him and our love doesn't seem to feed the addiction.

I am addicted to romantic love---that romantic high.

It burns out if there's no relationship, but it turns to a steady flame if there is one.

And I think there's one with Dane.

I don't want to blow it.

Thank you.

Billi


01/16/2010 09:40 AM
babies1
babies1  
Posts: 1980
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Billi, I'm so glad that you are going to concentrate on your marriage right now. I don't want you to blow it either, it sounds like you love him very much. If your romance starts to fade, then kick it up a notch and do something special together. Marriage is constantly phasing from one to another. Sometimes you feel like you are just going through the motions and that's when you have to stop and think about all of the good in your partner and how much you love them and what attracted you to them in the first place. I hope things go well for you!

hugs, jenn


04/27/2012 12:49 AM
hitgirl123
hitgirl123  
Posts: 4
Member

http://www.slaauk.org/slaa-beginners-kit

the Sex and Love Addiction Anonymous (S.L.A.A) covers everything u spoke about. read the 12 steps with all their explanations about love and see if its what u need

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