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05/10/2012 02:56 PM

one day at a time

JoJogirl
JoJogirl  
Posts: 154
Member

I am just throwing it out there, that I hope everyone is taking it easy on themselves today. My thoughts have been racing with new changes in my life that require me to change everything in my life. Once a day, I have chose one thing to alter, whether it be to get a new Dr. or throw out stuff that I consider garbage in my house.

I just found out that I am pregnant and I have to downsize and find new sources of income. This is madness, I am conflicted wih happiness and stress of how many changes I need to make. One day at a time for me. I am trying o go slow and focus on the task at hand. My problem is that I want to use all the responsibility as an excuse to deem this pregnancy as bad timing and view it as hopeless. I really don't want to be like that, I really wanted to have another baby. This is very soon after I had my first though, and it involves so much change!!! Going slow and trying not to freak out!!!

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05/11/2012 06:56 AM
jenny1978
jenny1978  
Posts: 2599
VIP Member

I am glad that you are going slow and not freaking out. So how far along are you? Finding new sources of income can sometimes seem difficult, but if you get creative, you can usually find something. I don't have kids, however, I have worked with kids for 6 years, but i work with juvenile delinquents, so it's a big difference! If you need to talk, I'm here to listen.

05/11/2012 09:37 AM
JoJogirl
JoJogirl  
Posts: 154
Member

Hey jenny1978! I really appreciate talking to you right now. I'm just going to lay it all out.

Firstly, though, my calculations would set me on the 10th or 11th of April, for when I conceived. 4 weeks. A lot has been brought to the table recently, concerning what we might do. My boyfriend and I are looking at apartments buildings again. We're thinking of getting a loan a buying now. There's one that is a real fixer-upper, but my boyfriend has the time right now and absolute know-how, so it's not too much trouble). He's in love with the building and wants to travel out of town to see it. If it was fixed up, it could bring in a lot. It's in the same small town that my entire family resides. We were thinking of moving in and doing work on the place, renting it out and eventually buying a home in the nearby city, where we just moved from 2 years ago (all our friends are there).

We haven't established ourselves here yet, due to my health and having a baby. We've only been here for 2 years and haven't made any connections (business or personal yet). Only medical.

My boyfriend has been home with me, he's given up a lot of opportunities to take care of me while I was in a terrible flare-up with Crohn's Disease, and helped me raise our baby boy. He gave up a store that we worked so hard on with renovating, not to mention, he let all his permits expire.

The only good news about this situation is that I feel better now, thanks to the pregnancy (it put my disease into remmission temporarily), otherwise, this very summer, I would have had some (15-20inches of) small intestine removed because I wasn't responding to any of the medications.

Along with helping me, my boyfriend has been helping his partents with their realestate business. I really resented his parents for taking him away from me so often (and they don't pay him for his time either, he's family), but they really kept their distance too, more ever than I thought they would. They didn't really put it together how sick I've been and that I needed lots of help (dispite us telling them). I thought I'd have more support over here. They thought that we just weren't ambitious enough to get on our feet. They may have an idea now of the gravity of my illness, and why we haven't made moves in our lives to "come up in the world" (now that we've told them that we have to move).

I've been on disablility and I need to get off and apply for a drug card of some sorts. My medication cost up to $30 000.00/year. There's no way I can pay for that.

Anyways... my boyfriend's parents want us to stay in this city with them. They have plans to by an apartment building as well and have us stay there while we rent it out (collect the rent/keep the rent from the tennents) and pay them back when we could. Meanwhile they'll sell our house and keep all the money. This doesn't seem like an option to me. I need support and if I can be closer to my friends and family, it would help me a great deal! Plus, to pay his parents back would always be on my mind and I'm not comfortable with the idea. Selling this house for us? It puts us right back to the poor house right away anyways.

I have a 4 bedroom house and downsizing is a real dissappointment to me. I've started from scratch so many times, it seems. It's hard work and emotionally exhausting! This is a beautiful neighbourhood and there's lots of opportunity for my children here. Moving to a smaller town gets rid of all that. I miss my family and friends, though and having long-distance relationships aren't enough. No matter what moves we make, my boyfriend wants to have it so that he can stay home with me and help me. It's not soon after I give birth, that I am back in a flare-up again and start degenerating fast. At least that's my exprience from the first pregnancy. Everything is up in the air and the resposibility and time line is crazy. It's making me feel like panic attacks are very close. I haven't had one in 2 months. I don't want to get worked up too much. I don't need to stress the jellybean sized person inside. I keep thinking it's bad timing and even termination has been brought to the table. I'm afraid of being even more in the hole with money, even though my boyfriend doesn't feel the same way about the possible investment. We have a house already that we have rented out and it helps, but we can't survive off our 2 apartments there alone.

I haven't even found a Dr. yet. I don't know why I'm putting it off. The security of it all, is zero and my options are looming over me. I feel suffocated. My boyfriend is scrambling and we're both stressed. Thanks for letting me share.


05/12/2012 03:58 PM
kball
kball  
Posts: 940
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

JoJogirl, congrats on the new baby. Yes it brings alot of changes and stress but it is such a joy once you have the tiny baby in your arms and all the love he/she will bring is a wonderful thing. You are right taking it one day at a time,one step at a time. If you have to cut it back to one hour at a time ,what ever you have to to get through the day.

We are here for you. You are not alone. Personal message me anytime or post anytime you need to vent,that is what we are here for.

You seem to be making smart choices which is great.

Kris


05/12/2012 07:08 PM
JoJogirl
JoJogirl  
Posts: 154
Member

Thanks Kball. I'm still trying to get used to the fact that I just had a baby boy 10 1/2 months ago and this, from where I'm at in my life finacially and with my health (after having a baby with the Crohn's disease), I don't see the forest for the trees all the time. I really want this baby. I wanted to have kids close together. After my experience with my son though, I hven't been able to see the possibilities, unless we make these changes. No matter what, my boyfriend plans on staying home with me to help and make all the outside world, "grown-up" moves. I feel better about it today, that's so for sure! Thank you so much for all the love and support!!!! I need it and am blessed to have it here! xo
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