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04/13/2012 04:32 PM

Cocaine cravings, will they ever stop??

freshair
Posts: 5
New Member

If you had asked me a year ago what does the future hold, using Cocaine would have been the last thing I would have imagined. I still cannot believe how serous things have become by using cocaine.

I'm 44 years old, married with 3 beautiful children. I am also very lucky to have a fantastic career.

I never really had been into drugs, especially Cocaine.

About a year and half ago I went to a party where it was being used, that was the first time I had ever tried it, and of course like most people who try for the first time, I liked straight away. I forgot about it and didn't touch for another 4-5 months.

One Friday night out with the same crowd, Cocaine was used again. I participated and had a really fun night out. Two weeks later same again, except this time it turned out to be heavy binge and coming home from the club at 4:30am. I now started to get a taste for it, and was justifying going out all hours because I never go out.

A few weeks had passed, and I hadn't been out or using the stuff, to this day I still don't know why, but I decided to buy a gram and use it at home when the family was in bed, including my wife. It was like having my own private party. This went on 2-3 times a month for about 3 months.

Here lies the problem, at this point I started to get serous cravings for it. It was like one morning someone had turned a switch on inside my brain, and I couldn't stop thinking about cocaine. This made me very nervous and I knew I was walking on thin ice. I decided to quit there and then. And if I relapsed I would come clean with my wife. 3-4weeks later I did it again, the following day with a heavy heart I told my wife. I couldn't stop crying and felt very ashamed. I was letting my whole family down.

She was shocked that it had been going on for so long, but determined to support me. We discussed rehab, but felt we ought to give it one more go with will power alone. The craving came and went over the past 5-7 weeks and I was in control, unfortunately I have had the one relapse. That was 3 weeks ago and I did not tell my wife.

I'm looking for any advice as to what stage I'm at with Cocaine. Does having cravings for it, make you an addict?

Just to recap: I started using it 4-5 times while clubbing, just over a year ago. Then 2-3 times a month, for 3 months at home. Craving started so I stopped for a few weeks. I've done 2 heavy binges in the last 2 months. Cravings are still there, some days are better than others.

I've learned that if I have a couple of beers then the cravings are almost too much. I'm not a big drinker anyway so quitting drinking would not be a problem. At no point has this effected my job, or I've never felt the urge to take more just to get through the day. It's definitely just a wanting to go out and have some fun type of thing.

I'm angry with myself and Cocaine for being left with having these cravings. Sometimes I wish I'd never touched the stuff. After all said and done, and the fact that Cocaine alone can have serious implication on your health, I wish if I could, just go out once a month and enjoy that one night out, but I know I've crossed some type of line.

Thanks for reading...

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04/13/2012 08:25 PM
kball
kball  
Posts: 956
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Hello and welcome to the support group. KUDOS for you on telling your wife when you thought you would,sticking to that rule you gave yourself was a fantastic move and it said alot for and where you are and where you can be. I am a cocaine addict in recovery for 4 yrs now. I see your situation and are familiar with it. This is the turnstone for you,what you do next will decide how much of an addict you are and become. This how the drug works,you start by doing it once in awhile ,you think oh its not harming anything,except it is,it is getting you hooked that is why the cravings are there. Think of them as bait. The drug is wanting you to do more,actually your brain is now wanting more of the drug. it liked what it has tasted of it. Cocaine affects the pleasure zone of the brain,so does sex and chocolate. The drug affects the brain and it pours out dopamine,alot more than without the drug,so when your not high now it craves the cocaine so it will give out more dopamine,which the body loves and wants more,see the more dopamine, the more pleasure. Now it is trying to get you to use it again and then again and the more usage the more hooked you get. Already you have gotten addicted or you would be able to walk away and never give it a second thought. This time is crucial for you. I suggest you to start going to NA meetings to help you deal with the cravings and getting through each day never using again,I know you want to once in awhile and party with it,we all ,us addicts wanted that too. We can't that is what makes us addicts,we go back for more again and again. If you can't stay away from it go into rehab. Do this for your self and your family,I promise I started out with it the same way and end up and 11 yrs addict. Then I ended up using crack,never thought I would, I ended up on the street homeless and had left my family. All most every addict out there that was on crack or cocaine started out where you are right now. The same thoughts and everything.

We are here for you to talk with and help you get through your cravings. You need to distract your mind for 10-15 mins when you have a craving and then it will pass. Talk with your wife when you have the craving,talk about ,write about,don't make the craving a secret ,then it gives the drug power.

We are here for you anytime you need us. Personal message me anytime.

Kris


04/14/2012 12:38 PM
freshair
Posts: 5
New Member

Kris,

I can't thank you enough for your reply, beside my wife you are the first person who I have corresponded with about my Cocaine use. I still can't believe what has happened to me in such a short period of time, and thinking back over the passed few months I'm confused why I would allow myself to get into this situation, I guess that is the power of the drug. I always thought this happens to other people not me, especially at my age.

You are so right, what I do next will effect me for the rest of my life, how scary is that! To my wife and thousands of other people its a no brainer.

I wish I could just walk (no run) away from it and never look back; I know the answer is to do exactly that, but somewhere in the back of my mind something's telling me, get through this rough patch, quit for a few months, and then you'll be Ok to take it just now and again. It's almost like I know I will take it again.

I like the way you describe how cocaine works on the brain,

Almost like an enemy hijacking it. If I'm strong and do not go back to using it, will the cravings subside over time?? Because quite honestly that would be worth never using again, knowing there is an end.

I just want to be back in control and lose these cravings.

Kris THANK YOU for sharing your life experience with me, by reading your post I know that you have had some dark days in your life, I hope that you are blessed for the remaining of it.

If you don't mind I will Pm you with some more Questions.

Thank you again

Steve


04/14/2012 04:37 PM
kball
kball  
Posts: 956
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I am glad to have helped you. The voice in the back of your head telling you you can use again after awhile is a trap,don't fall for it. You are addicted and these are the games of the disease,addiction. You cannot do this alone,don't try ,it can set you up to fail. Use the resources available like NA. Believe me you will need all the help you can get. Yes after time and learning NA way and program ,and relying on God's mercy the cravings do stop,or they won't be as often. The thing you have to remember is this disease can and will rear its ugly head at any time,you will not expect it to sometimes,so be aware. Anytime you are around people that do coke you will be tempted,I got a new set of friends. I had to,my recovery is number one in my life because if I relapse there is no life. I started crack at 33 yrs old,had 2 college degrees and 2 boys at home and a home and car and everything. If you can stop your self from going any further with the drug do it before you lose everything and everyone that matters to you. I was prostituting by 38yrs old. It does not take you long to become very addicted. it works fast .look how fast this has happened to you. The disease of addiction is cunning,baffling and powerful. For real. I thank God everyday for being clean and my new life. I work everyday to help people and prevent them from this horrible thing called addiction. I tell my story all over the US. I hope it inspires hope and gives people comfort and the support they need. I have been to hell and survived and I wish it on noone.

People forget crack is just smokable cocaine. I never thought I would ever use it. My life was above that lifestyle,I thought. I know now not to say never!!!!

Hope you are having a good weekend. When you join NA you will meet people that you can call when you get a craving,this will help you stay clean alot. Except the help they offer,there is no pride with addiction.

Kris


04/16/2012 09:36 AM
anamore
anamore  
Posts: 4101
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I was addicted to coke and I stopped it many years ago, about 26 yrs ago, I don't get cravings for coke anymore but I do crave the feeling of the coke going down your throat, I think its called the drip.

What you need to find our is the reason you got addicted, the root of the problem or you will relapse, maybe not w/ coke but w/ other drugs, I quit coke and was clean for 16 years but I relapsed, using pain meds and alcohol, because I never faced my demons, What triggered my addiction in the first place. You can stop but you have to face your problems so that you just don't replace it w/ another drug,


04/18/2012 07:44 PM
freshair
Posts: 5
New Member

Hi Anamore ,

Thanks for posting I really appreciate your thoughts.

With hand on heart , I can honestly say the reason I started using cocaine was through stupidity on my behalf. I underestimate cocaine and overestimated my ability to control it. The weird thing is, when in my early 20's I tried a few recreational drugs (only for a short time and nothing heavy) but I knew never to touch cocaine, for this was a dangerous drug. So trying cocaine for the first time at 43 just doesn't make sense. I've had a couple of good days with no cravings, when they return I know I just have to be strong.


04/19/2012 01:47 PM
anamore
anamore  
Posts: 4101
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Just take your mind off of it, do something that will occupy your mind, the more you think about it the stronger the cravings will b. You need to find a new way of life, with new friends and don't be around where there is coke. Fight the cravings, coke is a dangerous drugs and has killed many of my friends. Stay away from it, stay strong, we are here to help you

04/19/2012 06:00 PM
freshair
Posts: 5
New Member

Hi Anamore

Thanks for your encouragement and support, it's comforting to know that there are people out there who are willing to listen…


07/14/2013 06:46 AM
hopeforlife
Posts: 1
New Member

Hello, I can identify with freshair, 44 yr old, 2 beatiful twin girls, dedicated wife, excellent career. In my case, thinking of the damage it does to your sex organ can help you deal with the cravings. associate all the damage with sex. the only bad thing is that you will desire to have extramarital sex encounters. In my case I don't like alcohol. At the end of the day, I stay with extramarital sex, I know its bad and damaging, you seek sex out of your home because you dont get it at home. I have tried to talk to my wife about hormone treatments for her but she denies having problems. all desire for sex has vanished in her. She lives in a completely fantasized world where sex does not exist. we do it once a year at most. she still drinks the pill which I dont understand. Fortunately, I have never been cought in any of my sex encounters. Sex is readily available in some countries, you even get the full Girl Friend Experience. It helps me keep my sanity, I feel as if I were 25 again. I recently met a 20 yr old gorgeous girl. I am able to go out with this GFEs once and then I block their phone numbers on my cell so they can't call back.

If I associate the reduced libido with cocaine I am able to control cocaine cravings. It also helps if you get a bad batch of cocaine. you feel ripped of and then you can survive a whole year without it. thanks all for your advice.

regards

Post edited by: hopeforlife, at: 07/14/2013 11:53 AM


03/13/2014 05:08 AM
slatro2
Posts: 1
New Member

My dear friend like any addiction whether you want to stop is you're choice. To control you're life is the greatest power you'll ever have. What you do with it is you're choice. I'll tell you this, every thing is ok with moderation. If you chose to go beyond that, then that is something you have to deal with. I love coke. But I only do it ever so often(once every year or so) because I know what it does to me. You can control it. It's not as hard as you think. Have faith in your self, you can do it. Because if I can, anyone can. I did it tonight for the first time in almost 2 years (bachelor party)and I'm ok with it. I thought it would be a problem with how much I did it in the past. So when I came home tonight I started thinking that other people might have similar problems. Instead of going to bed and I found you. It literally comes down to self control. I know it can be hard and I'm not you so I don't know how your personality handles addiction(mines highly addictive) but try as hard as you can ask for help, don't be afraid. Friends and family will all ways help. If they don't I am here. Please contact me if you want to talk, for I will all ways help.

Your friend,and lover of life.

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