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12/09/2011 04:45 AM

Will I always be an addict?(page 2)

kball
kball  
Posts: 940
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Fleabag you are so right that the terrible urge is a reminder that you need a meeting tonight,same here!!! When I have a craving I most times I realize I missed my meetings that day or worse that week cause been busy and forgot to put my meetings as first priority. Sometimes with my bipolar when I am manic and feeling like super woman I take on to much and say yes to a thousand things and then find myself so busy the following week I suffer for it by missing meetings. Then I have to remind myself ,I need a meeting!! In saying that her worst day sober is better than her best day high,is a reflection on life being sober verses having a life being high all the time. This is how I took it. I rather be sober and have a horrible day but SOBER than have a day high that I think is a good day due to the fact I needed to get high to enjoy it. And go thru the chase of the drug and the lies that go with it,the isolation.not caring about anything or anybody but the drug,basically living just to get high,I mean is that really living at all? Where if I am having a bad day but sober I still have my life ,my family,God,my friends, I still laugh and cry and take time to smell the roses and care about life. I don't know this is just my take on that statement. Don't get me wrong,when I was high on crack I thought I was on top of the world and for that time I was pretty happy,but it wasn't real happiness. It was drug induced and only lasted as long as the drug did. Lets face it I was getting high so I would not feel anything especially pain I was in,so the happiness was really fake,just temporally

You both are doing great!!!! Keep up the good work. Keep making smart choices!!! You are not alone!!! We are here with you.

Kris.

You both are doing really good.

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12/09/2011 03:04 PM
fleabag73
fleabag73  
Posts: 181
Member

I gotta agree on this my best day high sucks ass compared to today

12/10/2011 07:44 PM
kball
kball  
Posts: 940
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

That is great insight fleabag73!!!!!! I couldn't have said it better!!!! So when I get the thoughts of using again I remember things like this. It helps me stay sober and clean.

12/12/2011 02:39 PM
HeadHurts
HeadHurts  
Posts: 186
Member

Hey guys, you're both right, its about the quality of life, right? The speaker at yesterday's meeting said he goes outside every night to look at the moon and stars. That is a beautiful thing he is grateful for now, whereas he never noticed there even was a moon when he was high.

Heather, how're you doin'? Are you doing the NA 90 meetings in 90 days? I only started going to meetings last week, but I've gone every night. Yet even so, it still wasn't enough to keep me from having an unpleasant experience last night, I was in a lot of pain, and my addicted brain made me "find" more pills(I was SURE I had no more!)I was going to take some, I wanted the awful pain to stop, but then I looked over at the. NA basic text that I had just bought that day, and thought about what I would be throwing away. I grabbed the phone and called a new NA friend and she helped through my crisis. So today, thank god is day 19 for me! Luv Debra


12/13/2011 02:13 AM
HeadHurts
HeadHurts  
Posts: 186
Member

Hi again,

I just wanted to mention that I opened up and shared today at my NA meeting, about the experience I had the night before. I felt I had to thank them for giving me the most basic of tools, which was the list of phone numbers of NA members to call for help or support, for THAT was MY lifesaver! Then came the best part, after I shared, they all had various things to say about what I said, with some giving words of advice, and one guy said that "for someone with only 18 days to show that kind of strength, shows just how serious she is about making this program work for her."

That was like music to my ears! I hadn't messed up! I was still in the game!sorry for going on like that, I'm just really proud of myself!

DEBRA


12/13/2011 03:29 AM
fleabag73
fleabag73  
Posts: 181
Member

Debra Honey Big Old Hug From Montana!!!!!! Good girl!! You done good, real good! I've had a few moments myself and no I have been stellar about meetings, in my town theres ONE meeting a week, aint that some shit, you cannot tell me there isnt a need for it! But, keep up the great work girl, Im damn proud of you! Heather

12/13/2011 08:20 PM
HeadHurts
HeadHurts  
Posts: 186
Member

Well right back at ya, girl! Way to go Heathether! It don't make no difference if the meeting's only once a week, if u go, and get something out of it, go away a bit smarter, stronger in your decision not to use, well, then that's gonna make u keep going back. It does for me. High five, its 20 days for me today! How many are u? I forgot. What are your meetings like? Today a newcomer came, he was only 24 hours clean, he was twitching and jerking all over the place, I felt so bad for him, u know? Not so long ago it was me like that, only I wasn't at an NA meeting that early, I went to my first one at day 12.

Seriously though, addict to addict, Heather, are u happy u did this now, getting clean? Is it making your life better? I'd love to hear it from a newbie like u, rather than the NA guys that tell me that my life will become all rosy and cheerful. Luv DEBRA


04/24/2012 11:29 PM
freshair
Posts: 5
New Member

Hey Debra,

Congrats to you my friend, what you did with those pills was nothing more than amazing!

If the truth be told I envy you. If I had been in the same circumstance, I'm not sure whether I would have passed the test.

I am trying thou.

Post edited by: freshair, at: 04/24/2012 11:34 PM


04/25/2012 11:17 AM
sobersince00
Posts: 129
Member

It's a long ways to the top if you wanna rock and roll. Kinda puts things in perspective for me. I am a addict in my 12th year of recovery. Sometimes I forget what it was like in my early days but then I go on a twelve step call and am reminded once again what this disease does to peoples lives. Meeting's are part of it but for me I had to look at my inter most demons and deal with them or I could not stay clean. I see so many people deal with this disease at the effect level and then wonder why they keep relapsing. It's in inside job period but that's just been my experience and nothing more.

04/26/2012 10:21 AM
kball
kball  
Posts: 940
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I agree sobersince00 I also had to work on my inner demons and get rid of my baggage. It has been 4yrs today for me and I am still working on stuff. It surprises me all the pain coming out that is still inside from so long ago. I know to stay clean and sober I have to work on those demons.

KUDOS for everyone trying and doing it. Don't give up!!!

Kris

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