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02/21/2011 12:29 PM

new here and wanting to stop drinking

Kasey37
Posts: 7
New Member

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here and I'm deciding to stop drinking. I can't say "decided" because its a process. I don't have a long history of drinking but my husband does. My husband is an alcoholic but he's not ready to stop drinking yet. The drinking doesn't interfere with his work and he seems better able to stop for the night than me. He doesn't think that I have a drinking problem, which makes it hard for me to stop. I've asked him not to drink around me, but that doesn't last for more than a day or two.

He and I both have long communtes and don't get much time together. So, when I get home, late at night, I want to spend time with him. He's usually drinking and it makes it hard for me to avoid drinking myself. I want to start just going straight into the bedroom and avoid hanging out with him when I come home, both that's so hard. Plus, I've gotten into such a bad habit of anticipating a drink when I get him.

Last year I asked him to stop drinking and neither of us had a drink for a year. It was so easy for me since he wasn't drinking either. Its hard now. Today is the first day that I'm going to start trying again.

I guess I'm just hoping to find some support. Thank you.

K-

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02/21/2011 01:19 PM
amandafeher25
amandafeher25  
Posts: 599
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

Hi Kasey!

Welcome to the group! You'll certainly find a TON of support on here, and we'll all be behind you 100% as you embark on this journey to sobriety! Sounds like you're in a really difficult situation with your husband, and hopefully you'll set the stage for him to stop drinking again as well. Make sure you have plenty of support around you and believe in yourself. It sounds like you have a stressful and hectic life, maybe you guys could come up with a new eveing activity, like working out, or TV, or a walk or something? Something that might break the habit of grabbing a drink?

Good luck! Hope to hear from you soon!

Hugs

Amanda


02/21/2011 01:31 PM
Kasey37
Posts: 7
New Member

Thank you so much! Unfortunately, I don't think that I'm going to be able to engage my husband in any other activities to substitute for drinking. I'm going to have to do this without his stopping drinking, which is why its so hard. I'll miss the drinking but I will also miss the time with him more, but I don't think I can hang out with him, at least not right away. I think I may try watching tv on my own when I get home. I just need to get through the house without sitting downstairs. Once seating its really hard not to have a drink with him.

The other thing is that I just moved for a new job and don't have friends here yet. That's one reason that I was looking for support online. I appreciate your writing to me. Tonight is the hardest night, I think. I'm going to get home from work around 9:00pm, which is why its hard to find other activities in the evening. I should just go watch tv in the bedroom. I almost never drink in the bedroom.


02/21/2011 03:36 PM
amandafeher25
amandafeher25  
Posts: 599
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

Sounds like it's going to be really difficult for you. Try to make a concrete plan of exactly what you're going to do BEFORE you get home so that you don't slip and just decide to give up and have a drink when you get there. Also prepare for some animosity with your husband as he likely won't understand what you're going through in the beginning and he'll feel isolated and targeted. So make sure that you still give your relationship the time that it needs. Good luck tonight! Let me know how it all goes! You can do it!

Hugs

Amanda


02/22/2011 01:53 PM
Kasey37
Posts: 7
New Member

Thanks so much for checking in with me. Yesterday, I did okay. I didn't have a drink. I'm actually a little surprised that I had some physical withdrawal symptoms like sweating in the night. I guess its been more of an addiction than I had thought.

Your right, I need a concrete plan. Tonight is going to be harder. I will get home from work by 7:00, which is earlier than yesterday. My husband will want to hang out with me and its so tempting to stay in the living room with him, but he'll be drinking. He doesn't tend to be hostile or offended when I don't hang out with him so I don't drink, but he doesn't take my trying to quit seriously, so he's likely to offer a drink to me.

So, tonight, I'll go to the kitchen and get a bottle of water, tell my husband I'm going straight upstairs, and invite him to come since he doesn't drink upstairs. This might work, but I worry about for how long because its going to be hard not spending time with him, but I'm not ready to spend time with him because he'll be drinking. Wish me luck. =) Thank you for your support!!


02/22/2011 03:28 PM
amandafeher25
amandafeher25  
Posts: 599
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

Way to go for having a concrete plan in place! It's only going to get harder as the days pass. Maybe if before you go to work, if you set out in the fridge a water bottle and a little snack for yourself, it could be just a really quick grab on your way upstairs and you could get in the habit of doing that. And maybe just offering to him on your way up for him to come join you up stairs WITHOUT a drink.

GOOD luck! Way to go on making it one day! I'm not suprised that you felt some withdrawl, it's often worse than we think it is, we always justify things in our heads and make it sound better than it actually is. But stay strong! You can do this! We're all here for you as you continue to go through this tough time. Heck... even if you have to, take a laptop upstairs with you and start emailing me when you get home and tell me about your day so it gives you SOMETHING to do to keep your mind off of what you're going through. Get on here often to look for support. You need it now the most!

GOOD LUCK TONIGHT!!!!

Amanda


02/23/2011 03:07 PM
Kasey37
Posts: 7
New Member

Thank you! I hope you know how much your support means to me! Right now, you're the only person (other than my husband) who knows I'm trying to quit drinking. It is so helpful to have someone to offer suggestions and to discuss how its going.

So, I had my second successful night! Yay! That's interesting that you said that its only going to get harder. I can see the argument both ways. But, if I'm expecting it to be harder over time, I think that is a better set p to stay on guard. I think in the past after a certain amount of time I convince myself that its fine to start drinking again, which isn't a good plan.

I'm at work right now and I'm about to leave. Emailing from my work is probably best because when my husband is home drinking the computer is in the same room that he's in. I will take your advice about putting a bottle of water and a snack in the refridgerator before leaving for work so I can grab it and go straight upstairs when I get home. Luckily, my husband doesn't ever drink upstairs, so when he comes up to visit I'm safe. When I go upstairs I have a television to keep my mind off of it. I also have a pet bird that I can put on lap. I'm usually exhausted when I get home so if I go to the bedroom I'm probably safe. I just have to get there. The weekend presents entirely different dangers since I'm not tired and going to bed right when I get home.

I'm a little worried about this coming weekend. This weekend I am flying, without my husband, to visit an old friend that I haven't seen in 20 years. I don't actually know whether or how much she drinks. I feel fine telling her that I'm not drinking, but I just hope that I don't give in to temptation. Its only a couple of days. If I don't think of it as "vacation" it will be easier.

Thank you again for your support! It means so much to me. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.


02/23/2011 03:52 PM
amandafeher25
amandafeher25  
Posts: 599
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

Kasey,

I'm so happy to be here for you through this! Thats what we're all here for! I'm glad that you've made it two nights! That is wonderful, I hope tonight goes just as well. Just make sure you stick to your guns and keep to your after work schedule. If you have a plan, you're more likely to stick to it!

As for this coming weekend, and for ALL the upcoming weekends for that matter, you should treat them the same way you've treated the last few evenings. Just on a much larger scale. Have a game plan. Make sure you have rehearsed responses to any advances or suggestions that you should have a drink. Keep yourself as busy as you can, workout, clean, organize, ANYTHING to keep your mind and body from thinking about the alcohol. If you friend asks you to drink this weekend and you're uncomfortable telling her you don't drink anymore, tell her you're on a diet and that includes the calories from alcohol. Or that you're taking a medication that doesn't allow you to drink, a little white lie never hurt if it keeps you safe and sober!

Let me know how tonight went! Good luck!

Hugs

Amanda


02/24/2011 02:22 PM
Kasey37
Posts: 7
New Member

That's great advice! I will tell the people I'm visiting that I'm on a diet. I'm perpetually on a diet anyway and it has crossed my mind that quitting drinking will help with that! My husband has been pretty good about it. He hasn't tried to talk me out of it, but he does come upstairs to bed much later than me so he can stay downstairs and drink. Last night he missed me hanging out with him so he woke me up to hang out with him once he was ready to go to bed. That's a somewhat annoying way for him to cope with my not hanging out with him drinking, but its better than him drinking around me or trying to get me to be downstairs with him while he drinks.

I'm still worried about this weekend. Although I don't know for sure I would guess that the people I'm visiting are heavy drinkers. I'm staying with them Friday and Saturday and flying home on Sunday. I think I'm safe Sunday but I'm a bit worried about Saturday. On the airplane I will have lots of time to write out the pros of not drinking and concentrate to put it in the forfront of my mind. I will let you know how it goes when I return. So far, I haven't had a drink in 3 days!(Seems longer, though.)

Thanks again for all of your support. I hope you are doing well! This all means so much to me to have someone who is listening and supporting me.


02/24/2011 04:32 PM
amandafeher25
amandafeher25  
Posts: 599
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

3 days! Thats great, keep them coming! Pretty soon it'll be a month, three months, nine, and a year! Keep on going! Try not to freak out too much about this weekend. Just stick to your guns about being on a strict diet, you could even add in that you had some blood work done and your blood sugar was high, so your doctor told you to not drink anymore to avoid becoming hypoglycemic. That should be enough medical BS to shut them up Smile

Don't worry too much about Saturday, confidence is KEY! If you believe in yourself, you'll be successful! You can do this! I'm on here all the time, so if you need support just shoot me a message! Good luck, keep me updated!

Hugs

Amanda

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