Does anyone understand how I feel?

In AA they say, no relationships for at least your first year. lol. I know you are in one but if you can look at it like it's the best thing you can do for him right now is to walk away from him - it would make your decsions easier.

If he knows he needs help, then he better get some. That is not your responsibility. And it rarely works if people are forced into anything. He knows you, and unfortunately what it takes to manipulate you. I have been sober for ten years. When I was drinking, I knew what I could get away with and what I couldn't in order to keep using.

It wasn't until I had lost everything, and everyone that mattered that I was forced to sit down and take a long hard look at myself. It was then I got help and sober. People had tried to get me sober for years prior to that. They enabled me actually.

He has got to wnat recovery more than anything. He has to see it as a life or death situation to get the help he needs and to continue to stay in recovery. Most people don't stop without having negative consequences for their behavior. They have to hit their own personal "bottom." For some it is losing everything and for others just the thought of losing family will get them to WANT HELP. I didn't lose everything. I made the decision to get help because I was hurting myself and my family too much. I made a promise to my children that if I used, drank, or gambled again, that I would go into treatment. I was leaving 2 weeks later. I went to an inpatient treatment program which was the begining of a new life for me. I also go to AA and GA. I would recommend going to Ala-Anon or Nar-Anon. When someone in the family has an addiction, the whole family is affected.

I hope that you don't sit and worry if it is the end or not.....take things ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!! You never know what might happen. I do think that he needs to have proven himself and that he does what he says he is going to....WORDS WITHOUT ACTION ARE DEAD...Don't go back with him until he has alot of recovery time. If you do want him in your life, get involved with recovery His and Yours.

I hope things get better for you. You can PM me anytime.

You said that you're afraid of what might happen months down the road....that he might relapse. Please try not to look to far down the road. What if he goes into treatment and never uses again? You cann't predict what is going to happen. You have to take it One day at a time. He is going into treatment....that is a good thing. He is getting help. Wait to see what happens before you make any more big decisions. Concentrate on yourself and your children. Get yourself healthy by going to Ala-non meeting or something. You and your children are safe from him right now. He is getting help. Who knows how this will turn out. Give yourself time to heal from his abusive ways while using. Meetings can help you do that. You may want to go to therapy or something.

I know that you are hurting right now and have every reason to be. It is still new and the wounds are fresh from having this happen. Give yourself time. Go to family day at his rehab so you can tell him how much this hurt you and the kids. Get the feelings out so you can begin to heal.

We are here if you need anything.

What did u do when this happened to you? what were the steps you took? Did you still love this person and want thim in your life, or did you just want them to stay away from you? Were you supportive to this person and let them know you were there for them, or were you angry and basically told them they were on their own and you wanted nothing to do with them anymore? I'm so torn, I'm angry as angry can get, I feel so betrayed and mad at the fact that this was done to our family, but at the same time, I miss him so bad, and I want to see him get better and come back home. I want my old husband back, the one before all this happened. I just don't know what to do with the emotional aspect of it.I have looked into groups and they are calling me back with the information.

I was in a long term relationship and we had just had a child. Both of us had stopped drinking for 5 years and I thought all was well between us. NOT!!! He started drinking shortly after the baby was born. We tried to work it out but he wasn't interested in getting help. After many months of wondering what he was doing and crying myself to sleep, I had to let him go....for me and my children. I still loved him alot and really hoped that he would get help and come back to me. Well, he did come back, and wanted to work through it. He was using drugs and drinking. I just couldn't go through that, so I didn't let him come back into my home. I was tired of being verbally and emotionally abused. I didn't want my children to grow up around the fighting or think it was ok to drink and do drugs. It wasn't easy. I had many nights where I just wanted him to be the loving man he was when we met. I would fantasize about it. Then I remembered that he wasn't capable of that anymore. Addiction had taken over his life. He had to want to get help and he had to do the work. I had offered treatment places for him to go, gave him pamphlets, and called counselors. He didn't want it.

He is now in jail and has had his 4th DWI along with drug charges and terroristic threats. He beat up his girlfriend. That could have been me or one of my children. I'm so thankful I was smart enough to get him out of my house and out of my life.

As far as your husband goes, is he interested in going to treatment? Has he made any plans to go? Would he be willing to get help?

I'm so glad you're getting information about meetings. You will be surprised at how much they help. I went to counseling to learn how to love myself, to find healthy relationships, and to work through my feelings.

What you're going through is normal. You love this man. He hurt you terribly. He broke up your family. He didn't do his part in the relationship. You're left to pick up the pieces and put your family back together again. It's a difficult spot to be in. You're not alone.

I'm here if you need to talk.