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02/20/2011 12:01 AM

I feel like my husband doesn't get it...

Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
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A common issue that comes up in my relationship with my husband...laundry is piling up, dishes aren't done, kids need dinner, floor needs vacuumed, etc etc...

Do I notice these things? Not very often. The kids I can usually attend to; I can meet their needs. Other stuff...

My husband (doesn't help that he has high anxiety) notices things like the above and notices ONLY those things that are out of place and need to get done. He generally doesn't wait for me to notice and gets to work, basically his philosophy is that if he doesn't do it, it won't happen. I can't really deny that because when left to my own devices, things really don't get done.

Here's the thing. When my husband needs help and asks me to help, with specifics, for example, "Honey, can you help me with the dishes?" I can refocus and get myself up and get things done. I feel guilty for not being able to "get it" outside of external direction...but I also know how my mind works. And rather than beat myself up about how inadequate I am at being an equal partner, I try to do what I can when he asks me. He feels like he shouldn't have to ask...

I don't know the answer to this. He says it would help him understand if I got an official diagnosis. So I think when we get our tax returns, I'll finally get that done...but I hate it in the meantime.

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02/20/2011 05:04 AM
LonelyHubby
LonelyHubby  
Posts: 453
Member

Sounds like part of the reasoning my wife is giving for leaving me. She claims I expect her to do everything around the house herself, I do try to help a lot. I just don't seem to be ever able to do things to her standards or on her time line, so as far as she is concerned it wasn't done at all and I just don't want to help.

Post edited by: LonelyHubby, at: 02/20/2011 06:25 AM


02/20/2011 09:11 AM
LonelyHubby
LonelyHubby  
Posts: 453
Member

Seriously... exactly... "I shouldn't have to ask, you should just know!"

How should I know? It doesn't look that bad to me, how am I supposed to know that the dishes in the sink from last night are going to make you want to go f*%& another man?

Post edited by: LonelyHubby, at: 02/20/2011 09:11 AM


02/20/2011 12:48 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

My husband is usually understanding, but I know the pressure he feels is real too. I'm so sorry about your marriage; but we really can't be expected to read minds.

02/21/2011 03:26 AM
Lisacomisa
LisacomisaPosts: 903
Senior Member

I have to make lists of what I need to get done. I do not notice things either. This is typical ADD. Needing specific direction that is why lists help me.

02/21/2011 03:59 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

I've though about posting sticky notes around the house to keep me focused, but, haha, I always put it off. I did do that once, to help remind me to water my rabbit in the backyard. I should use my school planner for chores...

02/21/2011 05:33 PM
LonelyHubby
LonelyHubby  
Posts: 453
Member

Planners don't work for me, I've tried. I've also tried using a Palm Pilot. I just get bored with that game too quick. I need a pissed off old lady to follow me around with a to do list, lol.

02/21/2011 06:57 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

Hahaha! Yeah I could use that too! I actually haven't touched my planner for several weeks. Schoolwork's been put on the wayside while I deal with emotional stuff...ugh. I'm gonna face the music tomorrow...

02/21/2011 09:04 PM
LonelyHubby
LonelyHubby  
Posts: 453
Member

I hear you. I have SO MUCH stuff that I need to deal with my bvsiness closing but I can't find any give a damn for any of it.

03/17/2011 09:33 PM
Izzy87
Izzy87  
Posts: 2731
VIP Member

my brain is still broken lol. I can't even read a page of my textbooks...my goal is to write my paper over spring break next week! I have to break it down somehow so my head doesn't just shut down on me...
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