Why wear a ribbon?

"Because i have had sleep problems for many years" (maryemcg)

MDJunction to me

"MDJunction means that I no longer have to feel like I am the only person in
the world with pericarditis. It means that I can talk to others who know
how stressful and how painful having pericarditis can be. It means that I
connect with others to discuss treatments that have or haven't worked for us, so that we have a leg to stand on. I think that having my friends at
MDJunction has allowed me to better mentally and emotionally process my
diagnosis and what it means to me. I feel so lucky to have this community
available to me. I use MDJunction as a way to use my experience to help
others. Reaching out to help others is the only solace I have found since
being diagnosed with pericarditis." (Hazeldee)

more testimonials

Working toward PEACE

Today was a painful day. Lots of electric shooters all over my body and head. Had a fight with Greg and really felt the connection between stress and my pain not to mention a raise in my blood sugars. Insurance denied the new prescription for me CYMBALTA? So now I have to call and fight them on this on Monday. More stress. I saw Mandy today and it was good to spend time with her. She played the guitar for me and sang to me. I loved it! I needed it. Hope to sleep tonight! Going to try now.

feeling trapped in my body

Jun 21 2010

I just want to shed this body. My mind is still wanting to live and run and play and my body is not letting me. i think of death a lot lately. I am not afraid of what it is like afterdeath but am afraid I will suffer a long time and have such pain in the end. If it gets worse than this I am scared! I get angry that we can not get assisted suicide. To let me make the choice for my own body and die with dignity and not have to suffer for years like this. I could see if I had not tried everything to get well but how long can this go on? I am still hopeful but thinking of the future scares me. I hate to think so dark but it is what it is and in this pain your mind just goes there. This can be a living hell really. I wonder if I did something to make this happen to me? I have made many mistakes but I never have tried to hurt anyone on purpose. I guess I need some sleep. Maybe a better day tomorrow. now to take my night meds to just get some sleep ....sleep that healthy people take for granted huh?

Previous diary posts by angiepangie39:

vitamin b12 shot at home
A day off from doctors appointments
exhausting day today
A new pain specialist tomorrow!
neuropathy pain sucks

feels like vice grips on my legs standing on hot c...
scared of getting worse
more pain today and keeping hope
feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired
first diary entry

Comments (2) Add Comment

written by jrauls, June 22, 2010

There's a difference between being ready to die and wanting to die... Being ready speaks of acceptance that death is an eventual, inevitable, natural occurrence... Wanting to die speaks of despair... Despair comes from intractable pain and depression... Speak to your doctor about your despair... I'm going to with my upcoming appointment... I think my Effexor needs a change... Either an increase or a change to a different medication... I think if I had proper pain management I would not despair... I have hope that this upcoming appointment will help...

written by angiepangie39, June 23, 2010

I too have despair. I also hope you get some help in your appointment. so far I feel like I am grasping at straws most the time. I am on Cymbalta now but I do not feel depressed really although I am sure I must be by now I just feel sick and tired of being sick and tired and of course the PAIN thing!