Why wear a ribbon?

"My Mom Died from uterine cancer" (mimi2001)

MDJunction to me

"When I first came to MDJ, I was in a very dark place, and feeling quite alone, I don't know how I found this site, but I have been very grateful ever since, all of you have offered insight to the illness of Bipolar and the other things going on with me, being here has allowed me to find friends, and to feel safe in discussing things that I would never have shared before.

I believe it has also offered me the chance to reach out and help others. A simple Thank you, is all that I have to offer, to this site and to the wonderful people here." (carmen33)

more testimonials

Who Says I Can't Be Free?

I love listening to John Mayer to relax. He has songs for everyone of my moods. Who Says? I love that song... who says I can't be free? Who says I cant take time? Who says...
No one ever told me I couldn't do something. It's just me and my headache, putting limitations on me.

Free to Give Up

May 20 2012

I havent called my doctor since going off my meds.
The truth is, I feel amazing.
I still heave a headache, yes, but I just feel so much better in every other aspect.
And I dont feel like doing this all over again. I was on gabapentin for way longer than I wanted to be, I asked and asked and asked to go off it and they wouldn't let me. I'm not giving her another chance to ignore my wishes.

Plus, I've kind of accepted all of this.
I'm starting to be okay with having this headache. I'm functioning in society, I'm maybe even thriving. I am having fun and I am happy.
So who cares?

Its like... I hate the roller coaster of hoping "oh maybe this will work" and then it doesnt, its a let down. And then we just do it over again. I'm tired of that.

Ive just accepted it and to be completely honest? I feel so much happier now.

And free.

Previous diary posts by MissZoe:

Med Free
Hello! My Name is Fibber
Change of Heart
Side Effects
Against Me

Old Friends
Advil Liquid Gels
More Than A Little Offensive
Cherry Cheesecake
Can and Can't

Comments (2) Add Comment

written by Jess23, May 20, 2012

I'm so glad you're doing well, I hope I get there one day

written by tortoisegirl, May 20, 2012

I think acceptance is a big step in this process. Everyone comes to that in their own time. Seems like the average is that couple year mark, which also happens to correspond to the time frame where the headache is unlikely to spontaneously subside. Its ridiculous your doctor would not listen to you in your request to taper off a med that wasn't working and was causing side effects.

For meds like Neurontin it can be dangerous to go off them cold turkey so at the least they should have said they encouraged you to continue it, but if not, here is how to safely get off of it. I hope you can find a new one who can support you and acknowledge that only you can decide whether you want to pursue/continue a treatment.

Even if you don't want to try any new treatments right now, I would encourage you to find a new doctor so they are there if you need them. The process to find a new doctor can take some time. I like to think of the initial visit as an interview. Nothing wrong with interviewing multiple candidates! hehe

Everyone is different in if they want to continue trying treatments after many have been tried & failed. I actually like to be constantly trying something...mentally it feels like otherwise I have given up. But at the same time I have also found that acceptance. Best wishes.