|Jun 20 2010|
Thursday night, met with the legal aid "intake" person, it said "Attorney" on her business card, but I don't know. She asked me how my daughter and I were abused by my husbandand among other things I told her that he called my daughter "fat whore" behind my back (and when we moved out, in front of me, that is how I found out). She proceeded to ask "is your daughter overweight?" which completely dumbfounded me. Furthermore, at the end, she asked why the hurry to get a divorce. I cried all the way home, I felt mentally raped, I didn't go there to get sympathy but I didn't expect total lack of understanding of the issues either. Most likely, I will not receive legal aid either, my income is too high, even though the debts and the craziness in my finances render me a net minimum that is impossible to stretch any further and I simply can't afford a lawyer. I will have to do this pro se, and then I will be raped in the legal system because the husband will get a lawyer and mark my words, I will end up paying for his lawyer due to my own lack of lawyer. He doesn't care if he can pay or not, he will try to make me pay and if that don't play his way, he will just not pay at all. I can't do that, I can't engage a professional in my case unless I know I can pay for the services no matter how the case goes.
Friday at work, went pretty well even though I was down after the encounter with legal aid. Husband called rather late and invited me for coffee, and enticed me with paper work for our business that I would get paid for. I really needed the money so I went over, got the work done and got my ten dollars.... it is pathetic but I rather make ten dollars than none, even though the profit sharing from the joint business should be 450/450 dollars each per week. But he wants to use this as a mean to manipulate me and if he can play around with the books, maybe he is too busy to spend time figuring out something more devilish.
Saturday was nice, a friend came over to visit and her and I talked for hours, it was really nice. The ex came by to check on me, he stayed for an hour and I was relieved when he left, so I could talk to my friend undisturbed again. He called a couple of hours later and asked if my visit was all over with so I could come over and do some books, and when I said "no" he almost lost his mind, like me having a visitor was a personal insult to him.
Late Saturday afternoon I went over, and as I arrived, he had already done the bookwork himself so I ended up not getting paid! I had lugged my laundry with me and asked if I could do the laundry there, otherwise I would have to leave right away and go to the laundromat. He insisted I do the laundry there. Now, I could not have gone to the laundromat because I was completely broke, but if I had said "can I please do my laundry here, I have no money for the laundromat", he would have refused me. By presenting my need to do laundry as I did, he was more than happy to let me do the laundry at our house. It is sad to know that someone is so happy to hurt you when they know they can, that you have to pretend that you don't need them or their "help".
However, this meant I had to spend hours and hours at the house and it is a high price to pay. My Saturday afternoon was hence down the drain, except I did get the laundry done.
Today Sunday was a pretty good day, I had promised to watch our dog while he took his granddaughter on the motorcycle back to where she lives. I loved it. I woke up at 6 am and went over to the house to pick up the dog, they left and all the hours they were gone, it felt like the air was easier to breathe. I walked the dog, I took her swimming, I walked her again, she was completely drained when I was done with her, I enjoyed being home knowing he couldn't just come by or call and either accuse me of something or take my time for anything. I had no idea it could feel so good to know that he was away out of town.
He returned to town around 4 pm and called, I explained I was watching a movie I had recorded and that I was going to bring over the dog after that. I walked her over around 6 pm and he, of course, wondered why I was so late. He had pawned off his grandson on his son and his girlfriend (without asking first if it worked), and he ignored calling them and let them know he was home. He called his grandson and let him know. It is extremely arrogant, I don't care if his son (the grandson's father) is rather useless as a parent, one still shouldn't treat people like crap. And besides that, it is a safety issue for the 12 year old grandson, what if the son had been high?
After delivering the dog back to the house, I spent about 1,5 hour watching TV and small talking. Then I started to put on my shoes to go home and he started complaining "why do you have to go home so early?". I said I needed to get ready for tomorrow's workday, my daughter was home alone and it was getting late. And on top of that, I had no cigarrettes and was getting agitated and was better off going home and to bed.
He drove me home in a rather bad mood, and when we arrived to the apartment building where I live, people were playing with a dog outside, two neighbors and a friend of theirs, helping them to move out. The husband said "sure, it is a lot of guys hanging around here", I answered that "it is the people downstairs who are moving out". He let me out of the truck, thanked me for taking care of the dog, and then lingered in the parking lot while I walked over to my car and put my shades in it, and then stopped and talked to the woman downstairs who had the dog. He was actually checking to see if I was going to talk to any of the guys. Before, I would not have spoke even to the woman knowing my husband was watching me, but my normal self is starting to come out and I really didn't care what he was thinking. He talks to everyone, why shouldn't I do the same? It is not a capital crime to talk to people, it is normal. I wasn't flirting with anyone or being obnoxious. This is just a small thing in a normal life, but his conditioning of how I act is amazing.
Tomorrow will have to be a productive day, this weekend was not, even though I got a lot of mental and physical rest.
Good night World!
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