Have you ever felt like your life was good in every aspect but one, but that one aspect has a huge bearing on your life in an overall sense?  I feel like I have so many things to be grateful for, and I am, but I still continue to have problems in my relationship with my bf.  I know he looks for things I do to "spy" on me, I know he has looked through my phone records to find anything he could on me (which was nothing, but he made it into something anyway), and above all this he has promised me things that are very important that he has not followed through on.  I'm not saying my bf is all bad either though.  Just like with anyone, he has his faults.  However, with my sort of life cleansing, we are having a lot of problems.  I think he is uncomfortable with my improving myself bc I had a lot of problems when we met.  I think he fell in love with the person I was then, and seeing my strength come out is problematic for him.  He also has some issues to deal with, and I am not sure he really wants to, but who ever actually wants to deal with problems?  I have grown accustomed to dealing with my issues, and analyzing myself.  This came from the years of therapy I have been in since I was a kid.  My psych degree probably has to do with it too.  He has been brought up to think psychology is nonsense.  I don't think he necessarily agrees that it is nonsense, but I think bc of this he has a lot of unresolved issues. 

Also, I think I am at a point in my life where I need to decide to take control of my destiny.  I can no longer leave it to fate or the chance that something might fall in my lap.  I want to live a certain life, and I need to just do it.  Obviously, I want to make sure I am careful and thoughtful about it all, and I know it is a big risk.  I also know that if I don't do this I will wonder for the rest of my life what could have been if I had followed my dreams.  I know who I am, and just like my denial of diagnosis, had I just accepted the truth when I knew what it was originally I could have saved myself a lot of problems.  I know there will be times when I get scared, but I know there will be times when I am absolutely happy and fulfilled.  I am not into the whole living by some unknown person's standards.  I need to live by my own standards.  I was given a second chance at life, and I need to take my chance and do everything I can with it.