|Nov 01 2009|
I feel great. I haven't felt this good in a while! It feels like I have completed a mission and all went well. It must be thanks to my friends... They have been praying forme non-stop. I spoke up for the first time and it was so scary! No one knew the truth... I got used to wearing my "I am happy" mask that when I actually took it off I was an emotional wreak. I haven't cried like that in years. To actually say the words... "I am not okay. I need help" That was liberating. To admit that I did not forgive him... To talk about the horrors I have been trough and to see the love and compassion. I mean really love not just that "I hear you but please I can't get involved". These people helped me to forgive myself for allowing the abuse. They listened and they did not see me in a different light. I was not a victim in their eyes but a survivor. I am a survivor and there is too many great things about who I really am to keep hiding it. It is going to be hard to break down all the walls I have built but I started with one already. Forgiving him and myself was a huge first wall.
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