Vent-age

He and I talked today.  We decided that we would be better off breaking up.  I wanted to have an answer now, and he wanted to wait it out and see what happened.  I just didn't thinkthat waiting it out would be very beneficial.  I didn't want to wait, having hope that we would make, just to be disappointed and go through the hurt all over again.  He understood.  I can honestly say that we both didn't want to end it.  But what we need from each other, we can't give right now, if ever.  

It was a very emotional conversation.  We both cried a little.  And we both apologized at the hurt that we knew was coming.   I spent a 35 minute car ride home sobbing, barely able to see.  I tried to hold it together for my parents when I got home.  But that didn't happen.  They were surprisingly supportive.  I do feel like I've made the wrong decision and the right one at the same time.  They told me that even though it hurts, who knows that in a couple of weeks we might be able to work things out after the emotions pass.  And if we don't, then at least all of this suffering didn't have to be prolonged by waiting.

I am strangely calm now.  I am a little uneasy about it.  I think maybe I had such a huge break down, that my mind is just giving me some rest.  I hope that isn't the case, because I don't think I can take another break down.  I have been lucky that the anxiety hasn't hit.  But it does feel like the calm before the storm.  RIght now, I am just doing my best not to think about anything too much, and to take refuge in the solitude my mind has given me for the time being.