Diary Entries for VDwong

Too many bad news

VDwong

Lately, there has been too many bad news. I can't handle anymore. :-(

One of which is my best friend's miscarriage. What makes it so horrible is she has to waitfirst for the health ins. approval to have the fetus remove and then schedule a room at the out-patient center, all the while still carrying the baby in her tummy. Oh my God! I think I'd go crazy if it happens to me. Her emails have been so depressing, it gets to me so much.& [...]

Just a few lines of Quick Update

VDwong

Just had a cataract surgery on Feb. 17th. Had been very busy both with work and home, also limiting using the eye. Surgery eye (Left) is still very sensitive.

Today is my firstday back to work since the surgery and already received bad news. Salary will be reduced 30%. OMG..... Hic... hic....

What's the definition of Busy & Exhaustion???

VDwong

I need a new definition for "Busy" & "Exhaustion"! Man, I've been so very busy, it's exhausting! I'm beyond busy & exhausted...

Mom's condition has been like a yoyo. She was in the ER the past weekend. Her blood count was so low and she was so weak, they kept her overnight for observation. She's home now and her condition is stable, but not very improving. However, I have to commend her [...]

Quick Update

VDwong

Wow! Didn't realize the last time I wrote an entry was Apr. 20. Such a long long time ago.

Well, the update is I have been extremely busy. I'd joined a gym to exercise and have been going there on average of 2 times each week. Wish I can find more times to go more often. Haven't seen any improvement in toning my muscle & strenthening my core yet, but do notice my energy level is better. However, I still feel tired easily & [...]

Medical update

VDwong

Just got back from seeing my neurologist for the MRI results. It shows my lumbar spine is normal, still the same as from the last MRI in Aug. 2008. The cervical (neck) shows "one vertebraeis protruding to the left with anterior indentation and flattening of the left side of the spinal cord" However, I also have lots of pain in the sacrum area and it has been affecting my legs (calves & feet) with walking, sitting, standing problems. I told her (the neurologi [...]

Can this get any better soon? Pur lease...

VDwong

Well, I haven't found a new job yet, and the attorney consultations did not turn out that good. It turned out "It's ok to yell and get upset. If he [the boss] only yells at onegender group or one ethnic, then that's bad business practice." Otherwise, his yelling and using of tactic words are ok. I'm shock to learn this. Anyhow, I don't have a case or not strong enough for the attorneys to want representing me. Whateva....

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I'm stressed & feeling trapped

VDwong

Work has been so tensed. I'm looking for a new job now and it's very difficult to find jobs in CA & the Bay Area. I've been with this company too long and don'thave any reference. Everyone else had either been laid off or resigned. There's only my boss & I working there now. There's one marketing guy in the East Coast, and that's all. I pray by some miracle, I'll find a job fits my experience & [...]

Can't sleep...

VDwong

I can't sleep yet so I'm here.

I was so wiped out and sleepy earlier tonight, I thought I could be out as a light. However, I think I took too long getting to sleep so the sleepiness had passed. Weird but I experienced this many times. :-0

I was so exhausted yesterday & on Saturday, though I didn't do much besides the usual laundry - one load each day besides other minor chores. The past year, I find that my stemin [...]

Updates

VDwong

I'm happy to say I've been diligently working on my New Year resolutions. Most of all, I am disciplined with exercising/stretching everyday. I do it an average of 20-30 mins. each time; even if I wake up late in the morning, I'd try to squeeze in 7-10 mins. On mornings that I'm running so late that I cannot exercising or at least do some gentle stretches, as soon as I get home that night, I'd do it before anything else. [...]

M

VDwong

My best friend since high school just called me tonight. She'll start radiation treatment soon, then will need the surgery afterward. The doctor is not even sure radiation will workbut since she's aenemic (spelling?) and had a surgery just 1.5 yrs. ago, all her doctors don't know if her body can handle it and if in the future she'll need surgeries again & again. Hence, the radiation treatment first to shrink the tumors and then surgery to remove them.&nbs [...]

Missing the old me & good old times.... =)

VDwong

I miss the old me & old times, when I have a social life - going out every weekend, sometimes twice a weekend and even on week nights. :) I miss having the natural high feeling. I miss living alone too.

I now live with my sister's family during the week and stay at my mother's apt. during weekend. Every week, the same routine - I would go to my mother's after work on Friday night and go back to my sister's on Mon [...]

Hidding out....

VDwong

I'm back from hidding out. :D I really hate the person I have become - whinny, depressed and full of negative emotions. I don't like feeling lousy, irritate & angry mostof the time; it's frustrating to recognize what's going on with me but can't help it.

There's this Vietnamese website I'm keeping a diary there too. I wrote on there more often and mostly in Vietnamese. When I'm on here, it also feels lik [...]

Blah... blah... blah...

VDwong

Is this how depression is? Am I in depression or just sad and feeling lousy???

I'm tired & sleepy but can't sleep, don't want to, I guess. Thus, I'm here but don't know what to write. Really, there's nothing new to write, besides my unhappiness and fatigue. Wouldn't it be nice if I can sleep forever or just feel no pain forever? I should come back to see my rhumy or neuro for either depression medication or other [...]

Wish to die soon (WARING: Don't read if you don't want to be down.)

VDwong

I pray I will die soon...

I exercise & stretch everyday, morning & night, but I'm still in very bad pain and right now I wish I can die. I have been so exhaustedlately. I've been so stiff and in pain so much, I could barely move but have to force myself to move, because I need to finish the chores/works I have. At times, I can barely stand or walk. I don't want to go on living like this so please God, please let me die so [...]

I'm in a lousy mood....

VDwong

I've been in a lousy mood since last week and still am. I'm so frustrated and angry!!! First work was getting to me. Then, my health issue gets to me. Now, everythingis getting to me.

I don't even want to mention work anymore, but I almost fell in the bath tub at my mom's apt. last week. She hand washed something in the tub and didn't rinse the tub completely so the residue from Downy made the tub slippery. Fo [...]

I hate my life. I hate my life....

VDwong

I know life is how we choose it; if we think life is good & happy then that's how life is for us. If we think it's otherwise then that's how it is for us. Well... sheesh, life sucks for me right now! Nothing is going my way. Was on vacation but didn't get to go where I wanted to go, did not get to do what I wanted to do. Didn't even get one day just for me. Since coming back to work this week, it has been very busy as expec [...]

Just rambling...

VDwong

Today is my last working day and I'm on vacation from tomorrow for one week. Yippy! I'm looking forward to sleeping in and lots of rests/relaxing. Haven't had any vacationthis year until now. Was supposed to drive to S. CA to visit my brother's family and my best friend. However, mom was in ER 2 Saturdays ago and is not completely well yet. Hence, we are staying home. I'm bummed about this. Think she is too, but oh well... be [...]

Still tired...

VDwong

Thought I could have today off as it's Veteran's Day, but my work place doesn't consider this as a National holiday. Was planning to sleep in and then clean the bathroom, and go shopping or hang out somewhere. Instead, I'm at work. What a drag...

I've been dreading going to work lately. Every morning, laying in bed, I am thinking of calling in sick. However, I'm taking one week vacation starting next Thursday and I have 2 doct [...]