|Jun 28 2012|
I am having my doubts that things will ever improve. R recently started on lithium (2 weeks ago from today- as an add on med to help with his impluses) and since then, we have been on a downwards spiral. He has been manic almost all of the 2weeks.. he has threatened to leave 5+ times, sometimes twice in one day (???!!!!) and then last night he left to stay a weekend at his parents.
I'm so hurt and I've been crying all day. I don't want this to end.. I don't understand WHY it is ending.. He told me he didn't have to give me an explanation... umm.. yes, please, I'd like one.
Is going through this worth it in the end? Should I even try to pick up these pieces of our relationship? I'm considering when I get home to just pack up all of his crap (like he has wanted to for "so long") and just drive over to his parents and say here ya go! [but that won't ever happen, because I'm way to nice to say that..]
OH, and to top this whole new lithium crap off... he has relapsed after being sober for 2 + years, and then drink again a few days later. :( ANDDDDDDDDDDD we tried to get him admitted to 5+ hospitals in the area and they all had NO EFFIN BEDS AND WOULDN'T TAKE HIM! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I just want to rip my hair out and cry.. oh wait, I did that last night after he left. :(
C'mon, Higher Power, if you are out there. Help me. Just tell me things are going to be alright...erm.. show me? Thanks.
Side note: on the way to the hospital, he was crying telling me how sorry he was, and how when he got out he wanted to be the best boyfriend ever to me.. he said that he wished all of these bad thoughts and obsessions would just go away.. Damn, wish there was a bed because this time next week I could have a new and improved R... -sarcasm at the end there.
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