|Oct 12 2011|
I am still dating my bipolar boyfriend from 30 years ago, despite all the admonitions from people on this site and from my own family. I see him once, sometimes twice a week. He calls a fewtimes in-between our dates. He is scarily honest and quite abrupt but has never said anything mean. The abruptness stings but I've seen him do it to other people as well. I don't think he thinks that he sounds so rude or dismissive sometimes. But yet the elderly people with or for whom he works love him. He is highly praised for his jobs. He does speak rapidly right now but nowhere near the way he spoke as a youth when he concocted or dreamed up bizarre scenarios to get money or fame. He attends AA meetings every day. I keep hoping he will manage his bipolar condition as well as he manages not drinking. I feel angry that no one gives me a chance with him; that everyone believes we can't be together. Even people with successful relationships with bipolar men and women diss my chances. They speak, I'm sure, out of compassion but when they detail their successes, they assure me I will never be like them. Why? What do they see in my postings? Probably something in my postings sounds weak and insecure. enough for people to tell me I'm in denial, too vulnerable or assume that I have a problem with AA, which I do not. I'm trying to read all the recommended literature and use the tips given to deal with volatile situations. Yes, I'm anxious and I have fought depression in the past. I hope to see a therapist again (currently no insurance) because I have so much to discuss. My anxiety levels have risen due to having a relationship. (They did even in my relationship with non-bipolar men; it's why I gave up looking for a relationship for 6 years.) I really want to see, assuming the relationship continues, if I can tough out a difficult period. So far, we had one bad, not horrible, day. How do I test myself on one day when the following day, he apologized and things returned to normal. It was one day, thus far, not weeks of ill-treatment and certainly there was no abuse. Do I think his forgetting to phone is any worse than my previous boyfriends forgetting to phone? I love my friends. Yes, I'm scared, anxious but I've had messages from bipolar people and their spouses that indicate that, with hard, hard work, there are successes. I'd like to attempt having one.
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