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Jul 04 2012 |
i have had enough, i have had enough of having enough. i am not living. my life is wasted and i don't know how to move over this block. i am misreable and lonely. i cannot speak to my family as theyare seriously screwed up. my mum is a nervous wreck who has no idea what she is saying. my brother abused me for 4 years and won't talk to me. my sister lives in an unknown area of uk(supposedly) with my nephews, whose names have all been changed by the police, becauase her ex boyfriend was in prison for 8 years for multiple rape. my sister when she was here, ripped off many businesses and then said she needed to leave because she was scared about her ex( who was in prison) the reality is that when she got with him, she knew he was a criminaL AND THATS WHat attracted her to him. she told us(the family) with her being moved away, (when it came through that she was being moved all she gloated about was the size of the house & how she demanded she be by the sea, nothing about the safety of her or her children)the police said we were not allowed any contact or to know where she was, her own family? it later transpired that infact this was not the case the police advised us, but her own choosing. this caused my mum, me & bro to have a breakdown, she played a lot of games and used them nephews/my Mums grandchildren as a manipulative medium. 5 yrs later and now she wants to go to the maldives without the children, it is o.k for us to see them as she wants someone to look after them whilst she goes away, so now they are allowed to come back to the home town that apprantely they were never allowed to go back to(becuase it is convienant for her) i have no relationship with her, my bro, my mum is so fragile and confused i cannot share anything with her, it is so difficult & i wouldn't even dream of trying to explain this nonsense to a friend. I imagine it would be a quick way to lose a friend.so i'm just here by myself, trying to get better but i cant live/i have a therapist i speak to 1 hr a week via skype. thats it. i feel so dead.
Comments (1)
there is this over hanging dread all the time. due to my brothers enormous guilt, all he does is criticise everyone else, judging them and telling them what they should be doing. i am always waiting for the next demand. because of his obnoxiousness, this s the reason i am in the situation i a today, because he felt he had the right to use me for his own selfish reasons. it's always about what he wants. what he thinks. everyone should do as he says. well he can get f**KED!!! God that felt good! 
first smile of the day!! my whole family have no idea. infact i think being rekated to them is part of the problem. they have kept me incased with the belief that I am just a strange and over sensitive person. no, the point is that from4-8 as my perception of the world was being formed, i was being sexually abused by my brother and have never been able/allowed to fully process this shit and all the messages i have received from family members around it. dumb comments ' why didn't you scream out; or 'if it was your sister it wouldn't have happenend' thanks. very helpful and intelligent comments. absolutely f**king mindless idiotic & DUMB comments. I hope that when I am a parent my child will feel understood and not have had to deal wit this mindlessness on top of going alone in this journey
first smile of the day!! my whole family have no idea. infact i think being rekated to them is part of the problem. they have kept me incased with the belief that I am just a strange and over sensitive person. no, the point is that from4-8 as my perception of the world was being formed, i was being sexually abused by my brother and have never been able/allowed to fully process this shit and all the messages i have received from family members around it. dumb comments ' why didn't you scream out; or 'if it was your sister it wouldn't have happenend' thanks. very helpful and intelligent comments. absolutely f**king mindless idiotic & DUMB comments. I hope that when I am a parent my child will feel understood and not have had to deal wit this mindlessness on top of going alone in this journey Leave a comment
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