Well I decided to talk with Steve yesterday. About a month ago he started talking to me about Marriage. His exact comment was, If I asked you to marry me right now would you say yes?

I told himthat his heart wasn't in the right place for us to get married. He still sees his love for me as a burden. And makes no bones about telling me and anyone else about it. He honestly believes that he shouldn't be with any woman.

Now let me fill in the blanks for you. Steve was married for 13 years to a woman who was very vindictive. She had an affair on him and left him a month after he was diagnosed with Bi-Polar. She even tried to use his Bi-Polar to get the divorce judge to refuse him custody or visitation to his kids. Well the judge told her in no uncertain terms that if she continued trying to use his mental illness against him she would never see her children again. It made the judge pretty mad that she did that. But anyway after that she used his illness to distance him from his kids. Using stress and after 13 years of marriage she knew exactly where Steve's buttons were and pushed them constantly. Putting the kids (his twin daughters) between her and Steve, "Who do you really love." and stuff like that, well after 3 years and totally draining Steve's bank account she won. His kids don't talk to him anymore. And then Steve got into 3 relationships with women who were either Drug addicts, alcoholics or had mental illnesses of there own. It was bad and went worse really fast. He was still learning how to deal with is own mental illness , let alone other people with other issues. It was all to much. Then he meet me. At the time him and I meet, he wanted to be single for at least a year before even thinking about being in a relationship. Then we moved in together and three days later my youngest baby girl passed away. Then the depression hit like the Titanic. Right after the depression, the convulsions came. Putting him in the hospital 4 times.  Then with my own depression and grief over my daughter took it's toll I lost my job and we lost our apartment.  We bought a motor home and lived behind our church for 7 months. Trying to put our lives back together. trying to keep my children going, taking care of Steve and Steve doing the best he could. Then God smiled on us. I got us an apartment and then 4 months later had to move again because my land lord turned out to be a Slum-lord. The apartment we found was a God sent, we have been here for 1 and1/2 years now with a wonderful land-lord and have slowly rebuilt our lives. Steve has his place up front and his own room and stuff. Oh yeah, I forgot to say that while we were living in the motor home,,, we lost our storage unit, lossing all my children's furniture, CD's tv's, VCR's Steve's highchair from when he was a child. Everything except what we had in the motor home with us. God bless the man that bought it though, he had the heart to give us back our pictures and cloths. But now, It just takes patients and a faith that gets tested and stretched and pulled to it's limits. Oh and one more thing. When we moved into the house we have now, two months later I started loosing all my hair. I wound up  with an autoimmune disorder called Alopecia Areatta. It's where your immune system doesn't recognize your own hair and kills it all off. I was completely bald for 5 months last summer. Boy was that weird, then my hair started growing again. All because of stress. That stuff sucks, BIG TIME.  All that happened within a 5 year timespan. Yeah that's a lot to take in. But now that I've written a novel, hope you all have a better understanding of where we've been and how we got to where we are now. Just trying to recuperate. I guess that's the best way to put it. I'm back in college and getting ready to Graduate.  A college degree, wow, That hast to be one of the greatest accomplishments in my life thus far. I can't believe i'm almost there. This road had been sooo long..... I don't know how to explain it. 

Well there it is, my story in just the last 3 years. The only way I could have made it this far with out wonderful people God has brought into my lifeto help me along the way. So for those of you out there who take the time to share, up- lift, comment back a word of encouragement, to love someone you don't even know. THANK YOU. YOU make such a difference and may GOD bless each and everyone of you. Thanks for stopping by.

Kat