|Jul 09 2012|
I don't know what to do with my life anymore. All of my dreams are gone. Things I wanted in my life didn't happen. I lost everything.
I can't be alone. I need people around me. I feel so hopeless. When I am all by myself I start think about my mum, about my ruined life and I started feel so depressed. I can't stand it. I need get out of here. I hate everything. Every day is the same. Every day is full of shit. I woke up, I go to work, I come home from work, go to sleep. And day after all over again. I lost everything.
Yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend. He was a real asshole, but I loved him so much. He was extremely jealous, he worked a lot and when he came home he was just awful to me. We fought every single day. Only because he had problems at work. And because of his jealousy. When I didn't pick up phone, he thought I was with someone else. When I needed to work, he thought I was with someone else. When I opened a bottle of wine and drank a glass, he thought I was drinking with someone else. But I still loved him. I still do love him.
My ex-boyfriend is just one part. He made things better. But school and family.. thats another part. Even more painful. I couldn't finish university I studied because of problems in family. And also because of a big amount of pills I take for depression. I couldn't focus on study. So I end it and apply for another school. But I didn't make it. So I work. And I hate it.
I hate everything. Really everything. I don't have friends, because of my ex-boyfriend. I lost contacts. It's unbearable for me to be alone. My depressions make me crazy when I'm alone. And I really don't know what to do.... So please somehow help me.
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