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through my eyes, the neverending thoughts.......

this is supposed to be helpful in dealing with bipolar...at least that is what i was told-mood tracker and a journal. my mind is on constant overload and am glad i have a space to unload some of this stuff...not that all of it will make any sense, as i am still learning how to function with this.

dont know really...

Jul 25 2010

well its been a while since i have been here. as i sit here, i am trying to think where i have been, mentally actually. i dont really know. i do know that i have fallen off tracksomewhere along the line. i am starting to feel better so i am not sure if that has consumed what i should be doing. i have stopped reading about my disease, and have stopped trying to find solutions...i have just stopped everything concerning my health. while i have been feeling as if the moods and cycles are not as frequent that i am doing a little more outside of home. however, also having two children and it being summer can keep one quite busy as well. its almost as if i hadnt "had" to think, as if i was trying to bury it all. does any of this make sense? not sure, its almost as if i have been taking more of an effort to pull myself up instead of letting myself continue to fall deeper and deeper. that has always been a major problem for me...once i start to slide back down i would let it consume me and i would go down even further. i am sure a lot of this has to do with my medications and therapy. which while i never thought i would feel better, am completely grateful for! it has sparked a little more of my energy and my moods are going up and/or more stable. i still have my moments of cycling, not as much but still need to learn so much more...guess its time to get back to what is also important and that is me, and my state of mind! sometimes i wonder why i let myself so wrapped up in other things. well, once again, dont really know.....

Previous diary posts by Josie39:

once again...no reason...no explanation....
food for thought.....
bipolar- a little thing i just found and wanted to...

time will tell....
its all new to me.....

Comments (4) Add Comment

written by WTF, July 25, 2010

I do better when i am busy too. If i dont have something to do or my son to tend to i spiral downward, quickly. I sooooo get it.

written by dizzyb, July 25, 2010

I'm so glad you're feeling better, that's wonderful! I find that with BP there is a time for intense learning, introspection and reaching out. Then comes a time where you need to just live. Without realising it, all that you've learned and absorbed, the support and reassurance you've been given start allowing you to live a happier and more "functional" life. Ok, you do realise some of it smilies/wink.gif

but don't let the "why" stop you from just being. You have always been this wonderful person, the BP masked it and now it's emerging bright and clear. Enjoy ! Yes, you may drop down a bit but you have support and the tools you've been using so you will even out again. I'm just so happy that you have come to this point. Have fun and enjoy the sunshine !!

written by Josie39, July 25, 2010

awh thanks! i have truly been enjoying the sunshine. part of all of my "better mood" has been the sunshine, i actually have joined a pool and have been taking the kids there. i guess being outside at the pool and running around with normal day to day things that it has kept me busy. normally, with my BP, i have always just stayed inside, kept myself in a shell...its very strange. i am actually enjoying "talking more" and looking for things to do. i sometimes question it as not normal, but then again i do believe that it is normal, and the BP is the reason why i didnt do much before. its the reason i wasnt just enjoying life. this has been so new to me, and i am actually liking it. as i said, believe me, i still have my moments, and at times find it hard to pull out of it, but try my hardest. but those moments that i cant, i take a break, and just take some time for me. it might sound selfish, and i dont like it, but i feel like i need that time to recharge. thanks for the positive message, it means a lot! xoxo

written by Joy75, July 29, 2010

It sounds as if you are doing well and staying busy. That is all that really counts right now at the moment. You can get back into learning once everything settles down. I hope this continues for you!!