This is. . .

I am but a loser that is no longer standing tall and proud. I am a loser that is as low as ants shit. I feel like I am being told what to do all the time. I can't make any of my own decisions soI rebell. When I rebell I will cause trouble in my house. I make everything someone elses fault instead of taking blame. I will control all parts of everything if I can get away from it. I feel lost in someone elses control that I seek power. For the 29 years I spent under my mothers spell under her roof. f I am seeking power & control. I need to fix this. Why must I now control everything. I am a loser in a losing battle of fear. I fear my family will be gone. My wife is lost in my guilt. She is hiding inside herself and I need help. I don't know if I can do this alone. I need guidence. I need a hand to help me through. I wasn't always mean. I just broke and began to make people feel what I felt. I will get help. I will break this. I will before it totally breaks me.