...ugh... |
Nov 20 2008 |
It's now past the time when I should have gone home. But, I'm just trying to get my head and my life together. So once again, still stuck at work.
I woke up this morning and I was hurtingso bad I was in a state of shock for a few moments. It was like my whole body was on fire. It was horrible. I forgot how bad it can get. Right now: head, shoulders, upper arms, L elbow, wrists, fingers, flanks, spine, neck, eyes, ears, whole back, hips, thighs, R knee, feet...I feel like I'm listing body parts for an anatomy lesson, not listing where it hurts.
I didn't want to go to work today. I don't want to go to work any day. As much as getting to and from work is a hassle and then some, the trek is even more tortuous because my job is like entering the 3rd circle of hell.
You know your job sucks when you hope you're one of the people laid off due to budget cuts. It's literally that bad.
Can't wait to go home and watch Supernatural and forget for an hour how much I hurt, how much I hate, how filled with anger and sadness and pain I am. My therapist is going to start to wonder if I'm rollercoasting because last week I was in a rather upbeat mood, and this week I know I'm going to go in and be screaming and crying and having a fit because this f-in condition is so f-in unfair.
I just wish there was an end in sight. I wish there was a period to this rambling illness, but this thing is like one of my worst run-on sentences. It's just filled with commas holding it together and makes no sense. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
Made a few people smile today. So. All hope isn't lost. Going to get in my car---once again I had to drive in because there was no way I could hack 36 stairs today, no friggin way---and crank up some irish folk music and coast home. Maybe make some soup and chill-ax. [Can't believe I just wrote chill-ax.]
Wish I wasn't hurting so much and the pills worked. I can't imagine what my job is going to say when I start taking assloads of days off because I hurt too much to move. Ugh. Honestly, don't care. Let them fire me and do us both a favor. I'm out.
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Why? Because I want you to see what a glorious sense of humor you have. Even in your pain, and in describing your pain...you had me laughing. Not laughing at you - please don't misunderstand. But laughing, almost as if I were you. Yeah, I know, makes sense in my mind maybe.
What I am trying to get at is, your sense of humor is what will see you through this. Believe it or not, even in your pain while writing this, your sense of humor just shined (shone would be proper, but it's a weird word) on through. Use that. Find the ironic, funny side of this DD. Don't let FM win. You're too damned smart for that.