This is the song that never ends...

I just want to cry... I don't know what to do or where to turn right now.  My life is a mess in large part due to this stupid condition.  For the first time in my life I am looking at notbeing able to pay my bills this month.   I have used up all but $36 of my savings, I haven't found a job I could do in 7 months, and even if one fell into my lap tomorrow I'm not sure I feel well enough to work.  I have been having a flare up for a week straight, and left my house for the first time in a week last night, and am paying for it today.  I go in to apply for SSI on Tuesday, but I am not optimistic, I know how hard it is to actually get approved for it.  I just don't know what to do.  I was raised to be so much more responsible than this, I am so ashamed and feel like a failure and all I want to do is cry.  My family cant or wont help me, I am completely alone.  The worst part of today was talking to my mom and telling her about the financial situation, with the biggest concern being my cell phone (I do not have access to a home phone, and I live 1500 miles from my family.  My $40/month cell phone is the only contact I have with anyone).  Her response was, ''Well, they'll probably give you a week before they shut it off.''  That was it.  No comfort, no sympathy.. I am pretty sure most of my family just thinks I'm lazy and that all of this is my choosing.  I have never wanted to be normal so bad in my whole life.  I have a college degree that I don't feel good enough to use - and can't use most of what I was trained for because my fibro has gotten so bad.  Even on a ''good'' day I feel so horrible that by the end of it I'm collapsing.  I just feel so incredibly helpless, hopeless, and alone....