|Sep 02 2009|
So, we are still in a good mood. We were finally able to see pdoc this morning. I took the morning off from work for the 1st time in a long time to go with him. The discussion wasgood, but it was a very streesful appointment. Everything that he does not want to face. The hard about about this illness is that I cant understand whey they do not want to help themselves. I know that I wouldnt be able to handle it. I am a control freak and I feel that if I were the one with the illness I would do everything I possibly could do to make myself be stable. He tells me all of the time how much better he feels when he is stable, so why wouldnt he want to stay that way? We talked about the need for therapy and the need for him to stop smoking weed. He is down with the therapy, but not the stop smoking weed thing. I told his Dr that he has not been honest with him and that he is smoking everyday. Thats when he started flicking me off right in the Drs office! I couldnt Fing believe it! he did it to me 2 times while the Dr had his head down writting. We drove seperatly b/c I had to go to work. I cried the whole way to work and even thought about calling in, but then I didnt want to be home with him anyway. He usually calls me at work at least once a day, I wasnt expecting to hear from him today. But, all of the sudden I am told that I have a call, its Dave. I pick of the phone expecting to hear a depressed/angry voice. Instead I hear a very friendly voice "how are you, what are you doing?" Are you kidding I thought?? I just left you after you flicked me off and then left before you could say anything to me and you are asking my for a cat?? He thinks it will be the same way it has been for years....we will just move on like nothing happend. I cant/will not do it anymore. I am so serious about him doing treatment, I really think that he thinks I am just going to forget about and let it blow over. I realize that he has a lot of stressers right now, but so do I. And I realize that he may not be able to handle the stress like a "normal" person would, but I am sick of excusses. I AM SO SICK OF DEALING WITH BIPOLAR. He needs to learn how to cope. He needs to learn how to deal.
This is what I will do....I will go along with this good phase that we are in and hopefully it will last for a while. As of today he is on new meds, Depekote and Prozac. The Dr sais that this is supposed to stop the weed for having its full effect. I will go along with this phase as long as he is willing to go to theray. The therapy will have to be with a MICD therapist (mental illness chemical dependency) If he is not willing to do this, then he will have to leave.
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