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adams811 Welcome to my story. Don't cast judgment, just ready. Laugh, cry, and maybe give me a little support on my bad days.

Bad day today, guys.

Aug 01 2010
Today has not been the best day for me. And with being bipolar and out of medication, that makes it a really bad day for me. I'm working on day number seven out of twelve days in a row of work. Andthis many days in a row at getting up at 4:15 every morning makes you exhausted. I was already not in a good mood this morning when I got up and the day just didn't get any better. My husband and I have barely spoken today, not because we're mad with each other, we just haven't said much. My daughter, Audrey, is being crabby to say the least. She got a little sun while we were at the lake yesterday and it's barely pink today, but she isn't feeling well, obviously. Eight month old+sunburn+temper tantrums=not a good day for anyone, much less a bipolar mother who is out of medication and can't get it refilled until payday because it's expensive. I feel like a horrible mother because in my head I can imagine myself doing things that I am ashamed of and because sometimes I have to catch myself so I won't do those things. I shouldn't have to do that. I shouldn't have to make myself not do what is in my head. Why do I have these thoughts? I hate them and I hate having to fight them on days like this. I just want to be a good mother and I feel like I am failing. I feel like my daughter is going to begin to grow up not knowing that her own mother loves her, instead she's going to think I regret having her and she may even think I'm a basketcase. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. Can I do that? I think I will.

Comments (1)Add Comment
written by adams811, August 02, 2010
It is very hard being a BP mom. Sometimes I just stare at myself in the mirror and wonder who that is staring back it me. I'm surfing the best I can on the waves I have coming. Thanks, Stacey!

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