Diary Entries for ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over Wed, 19 Jun 2013 02:43:51 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/closure-123361 <p>I&#39;m sorry you&#39;re here right now.&nbsp; Desperately seeking answers, comfort and hope. I have zero answers.&nbsp; The only comfort I can offer you, is that it can get better.&nbsp; Your life.&nbsp; Can get better.&nbsp; My ex husband was a very good man, I could see his soul.&nbsp; And I could see him lose it.&nbsp; Maybe he will find it once again.&nbsp; All I know is that he is a good man, who is sick, and doesn&#39;t know it. &nbsp; </p><p>I tried all that I could, and in the end I [...] ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/my-rules <p>So with C&#39;s recent interaction....the hateful text message...It was brought to my attention that he has come on hard times and may crash soon.&nbsp; I was advised to write down my rules...head and heart...and devise a plan.&nbsp; It&#39;s in the making but here&#39;s what&#39;s essential...</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Head Plan:</p> <p style="margin-left: 0.75in; text-indent: -0.25in" class="MsoNormal">1.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Admit you have a problem</p> <p style="margin-le [...] ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/hollow-113828 <p>He brought his new girlfriend to his fight last weekend.&nbsp; Introduced her to his family and friends.&nbsp; I am crying at my desk at work right now.&nbsp; I don&#39;t think I will make it throughthis day.&nbsp; I want to disappear.&nbsp; I feel like all the hope and life was just sucked through a straw and right out of my body. &nbsp; </p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Up until this point I had hope that she was only a fuck buddy. &nbsp; <br /></p> ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/starting-to-think-hes-scum <p>Well I just checked our joint checking account to see what kind of activity has been going on.&nbsp; Curiosity will kill me I&#39;m sure...</p><p>&nbsp;He&#39;s down to $40 and has withdrawn about $400 in the past week, all at bars (very unlike him as he is a cheap ass).&nbsp; So I decided to check our credit card account (which I have access to but took my name off of) and he is racking up bills on there from a site called true.com.&nbsp; SO I get curious and decide to check it out...ITS A D [...] ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/the-poem-he-once-wrote <p>Cwrote this poem for me just two summers ago for our anniversary while he was serving Iraq. I had never been happier.&nbsp; Where has he gone?</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;&quot;To my beautiful wife Elysia,<br /> <br /> Its been one year since I pleged my life,<br /> To my best friend, my lover, my wife,<br /> I notice many things that have changed in my world,<br /> With you in my life my clam has pearled,<br /> I believe in myself and feel a King,<br /> With you as my Queen I need not a thing,< [...] ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/the-other-woman-has-arrived <p>Well...Ive been waiting for this so it really shouldn&#39;t come as such a shock.&nbsp; I don&#39;t really know too many details all I know is that she spent the weekend with him up at our cabin.&nbsp; She is 21, blonde, nurse, from his hometown (the town I&#39;m now working in...) So yea,word gets out.&nbsp; Also I guess he&#39;s telling everyone that he is divorced, he only left one month ago.&nbsp; What the hell. &nbsp;</p><p>This is much more of a crushing blow than I thought it would be. [...] ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/never-should-have-looked <p>I never should have looked in the garbage before pulling it to the curb this morning.&nbsp; I got through my entire morning routine without crying until I did.&nbsp; He came and got the rest of hisstuff yesterday and threw out our pictures and other special things from our relationship.&nbsp; It hit me like a ton of bricks.&nbsp; He wants NOTHING to do with me, and here I am crying over him, trying to grasp on to anything and everything I can to feel like our entire marriage wasn&#39;t a lie. [...] ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/hopelessness I am having such a difficult time today. It always seems worse in the morning. It&#39;s like waking up and realizing what happened/is happening is actually real, not some terrible nightmare. I amhaving a hard time functioning today, the tears are flowing so effortlessly. I feel so hopeless and helpless. We were so happy such a short time ago, it&#39;s like he&#39;s convinced himself that he wasn&#39;t happy in order to justify to others why he left me again. <p>BUt it&#39;s not him. [...] ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/hypersexual <br /> And so has my anger... <p>On Thursday I came home from work to find my house void of all of my husbands things. He somehow managed even to load a large rug from Iraq, a table, 10 pictures, and a gun cabinet. Quite a bit for one person and a guy who doesn&#39;t believe in material possessions any longer. </p><p>Somewhere along the way he totally gave up. I am the most evil, rumor spreading witch there is. </p><p>Sorry I got side tracked... </p><p>On Thursday after mo [...] ellswim http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/the-saga-is-far-from-over/my-horror-story <p><br /><br /> </p><p>Hi everyone, I&#39;ve been lurking in this website reading everything for the past two weeks like it&#39;s my job. I don&#39;t even know where to start. I guess I&#39;ll start at the beginning.<br /><br />We met at 22 in college, I was just finishing up, about to student teach. It was love at first sight, and we moved very quickly. We were living together within the first month and by the next summer he asked me to marry him. He did show a little depression that winter we [...] ellswim