|Mar 16 2010|
I try to explain why I'm this way. You don't hear me. As you would put it; if I was okay I'd be working. Well sorry it not that simple. You don't want to hear that either. You think thatI believe I'm taking some "magic" pills and that everything is going to be ok. Yet you still wont listen to me. I try to explain that all the pills do is make me not suicidal and homicidal. They level me out enough where I understand what's going on within me. I can control my anger better. You think I shouldn't get angery at all, or I should say a normal persons level of anger. You don't understand I can't get rid of the rage. I can only surpress it. You think I'm going to be the person you first met. That person is in me, he's just trapped in a living hell that's all. I shouldn't be jealous, have friends, be able to leave the house. All these things that a normal person can do. The thing is, you think these are magic pills I'm taking. I understand what they do and how they work. You can't understand what I mean when I say "I'm okay, but I'm fucked in the head" You say I don't make sense. Well guess what these disease doesn't make sense. What do you want me to do about it. I say go to MDJ so you can see other peoples story and what they're going through. So you won't think I'm full of it. You don't need to because you know. You know I haven't changed. I just say ok.
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