The Life of a Bipolar self harming bisexual teen

Dear diary,

So my bf and I broke up...

I broke up with him... But I still love him and I always will. I really dont know what to do. I think we should date other people and keep some distancebut at the same time its hard not to talk to me every second that I can. And alot of his friends are my friends now so it might be hard not to hang out with him or talk about him. He is still going to a youth overnight thing at my church but I dont think it will be entirely akward just might make me want to date him again... It obviously not meant to be if  we keep breaking up.. I just dont know anymore.... I really dont.

I think we are still going to eachothers winter dances together as friends which is hard to say. I know I broke up with him but dosent everyon e have some recentment when stuff like this happens?

I know i broke his heart and I hate doing that. When I gave him his rings back it was a mixture of crying and madness for both of us. Maybe he isnt the guy for me.. maybe he is.. who knows? uggghhhh I wish I had all the answers. I wish I didnt have to just quess my fate. People say that I am unpredictable.. and its true.. I cant even predict what i am going to say next. What I am going to do next. What is going to happen.. next...

Well on a happy note, I finished writing the rough draft of my play. I will probably get to direct it at my school. And I also got the lead part in Readers theatre at my school. I play a preppy dumb ditzy girl who teaches the audience how to be her. Its hilarious. Shes really conceted and crap and it makes for a good play. haha!

Anyways.. I hope everything works out for the better. It might snow today, like 9 inches. ahhhh! I hope it melts enough on the streets so we can still drive to the youth event on saturday.. Well i am gonna go now. ttyl

Love,

Ceres :)