And I'm tired - of feeling sad, of feeling frustrated, and a bit of feeling.  no worries, I promise, not interested in hurting anybody or me...  but like the title of my diary says - the pain of a tattoo needle DOES hurt less than emotional pain - maybe it's time for another teeny tattoo...  nah, that's just covering up the pain, right?

yeah okay, enough self-analysis. 

I talked with the Executive Director and her Assistant today - my boss called and talked with them about my wanting to leave - I don't want to, at least today I don't.  I explained about my bipolar and my son's autism and how all of the frustration has been all over the place, and that plus not having a lot of work to do just made me overflow with "I gotta get out of here."

Of course I feel bad now that I wanted to leave at all - I just didn't know what else to do.  Mom will be thrilled because she's worried about my income and health benefits (good things to be worried about) but it's so hard putting on a mask and working so hard to pretend there's nothing wrong when I'm really being eaten up inside by these roaches of self-judgment and unfortunate feelings.  does that make sense?

I'm tired now.