I woke up with my alarm today - was actually awake this time.  Turned on my laptop to read email - dreading one from my boss - since I emailed her that the 15th would be my last day.  I don't like disappointing people, but I don't know what else to do - I don't belong here - I feel stuck - like I'm tied up in a thick rope that leads me around.  I have to show a professional image - but I'm a casual person.  I have to pretend to be something I'm not.  I can put on a professional mask when I need to - but when it's every day it gets harder and harder to feel comfortable.  I'm exhausted by the end of the day because it's been so much work to act the part.  Some people can act a part all day and relax in the evening - I can't.  It takes so much out of me to go to a staff meeting and be professional.  I don't like feeling this way - and it's not my boss's fault - I don't even know if it's my fault - or if it's just the chemistry in my brain that can't handle this kind of mask for so long.  It took me 30 years to figure out who I was and where I belong - I don't like pretending - it is HARD WORK for me.  Now I know how kiddo feels - putting on a mask all day, working desperately to fit in - it is so hard.  I am so unhappy.