Rough Week

Well, I had another rough week. SSDI judge turned down my disability because she missed the last 2 years of records. She "didn't see" any of my endocrine records or Mayo Clinic and itexplains in great detail with tons of labs, xrays and tangible documentation what has happened to me. Needless to say, because my adrenals don't work, I wanted to commit suicide and as a nurse knew just what to do. I don't know what stopped me but I must have blinked and decided to call the Tricare crisis line. That girl seemed to know exactly what to say which was amazing since I was pretty set to go. I didn't do it, obviously, but I can't believe how quickly my thoughts and actions went there once my adrenals could no longer produce stress hormones on their own. It was unblieveably scary.

I started seeing a counselor here who actually has worked with a lot of people with endocrine issues. None like mine, of course. Nothing like having all of your endocrine systems not functioning.  He is helping me make a chart of my emotions when things happen in order to, hopefully, catch it before it gets out of control so I can take an extra dose of hydrocortisone. The extra will help my body produce stress hormones and hopefully stop this from happening again. Smart guy. I never could of thought of that in my current state of mind.

My attorney tells me he has an excellent case for the appeals council of SSi because the judge made so many errors, but I am so depressed over this. He did say that if I die before this finished he would go all the way and my family would get the back pay and benefits. That is fine, as long as my husband gets this. It will more than likely be another 2 years of waiting. O Joy!

I learned that my SSDI judge had just been diagnosed with cancer the morning of my hearing. Gee, you don't suppose that could have distracted her just a little??  Why didn't she stay home that day?? 

On well, I guess I supposed to let go the things I can not change. Who wrote that crap anyway?  Susan