|May 16 2011|
So I sit here at my computer and I'm trying to write a paper for class, and as I sit here and I try and try and try to focus and get the work done I keep hitting that wall. That wall where no matterhow hard I try nothing is happening, my mind is racing in 50 million directions, I cant sit still, yet I know I cant afford to get up. after about 2 hours of this I get hit with the wave of overwhelming frustration which leads itself into a breakdown. A breakdown of my defenses, I've been trying to pretend like I can deal with this on my own and power through school but I know in the back of my mind that it isnt happening. The little work I have done is mediocre at best and its not getting better. I'm not normally a crier but I'm not ashamed to say I cried. I keep wondering what can I do to focus, what can I do to allow my mind the breathe of being able to just focus on the task at hand.
I'm frustrated.Everynight I go through this same process and every night the outcome is the same.I'm trying to go to doctors to get help to figure out what it is I need to finally face this beast. I'm just struggling to hope that it will get better. Struggling to not give up and just say screw these papers and go do something else. Well here I go once again to batter my head against this wall of papers and hope something comes of it. Good night
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