StoryOfMyLife

Thanks to speaking with someone who is turning out to be a really strong connection, my heart opened just a little bit.  They just listened and responded with their own relevant experience.  There was no lecture and no revelation that makes me feel solved or cured.  I was, however, able to figuratively hold the hand of a spirit for as long as I needed.  This opened me.  Then while working I came across some medical information.  Something that  I could not quite get my head around.  I picked up the phone and then my hand started to shake.  The tremors that I have become more noticeable during stressful times.  It was then that my eyes began to burn and eventually my eyes welled and a pair of tears flowed down along my right cheek.  I started gasp for air like I had a lifesaver lodged in my throat and only a little air was able to enter my lungs.  Finally, they subsided and I felt a wave of release.  Not relief but release.  This was similar to sitting on the floor and attempting to rise to a standing position but then you felt two hands pushing down on your shoulders.  You push up against those hands but cannot get up and the pain in your shoulders starts to build.  Suddenly the hands are there no more and you feel the release and you are able to stand.  I could feel the whole process so intensely because I do not cry.  I have not shed a tear for 4 years.  Yet for this man who is not my birth father, not of any relation except through a marriage to his daughter long since past,  who has been my example on courage to follow unlikely dreams, helping those in need at the risk of them causing you pain, taking care of your family and being attentive to them...not just earning a paycheck....not making them go to a ballgame...but just being there and pushing them in a direction that those children are already going.  That is the man for whom I cry upon suddenly feeling the space where he used to stand.  I knew him for twenty one years.  I will always know him and I am better for that time and that connection.