Stopping the roller coaster

It has been a long time since I have been to this site.  It was nice to be able to come back to my diary and remember how things were.  How difficult it was to break free from the madness.  And to see how far we have come.

J has been sober nearly 5 months and has been in an Oxford house (sober living house) for nearly 4 months.  Our relationship since he was released from rehab has gone through many turns.  Initially, he changed his mind over and over again as to whether or not he wanted to try to work things out with me long term.  First he was changing his mind almost daily, then weekly, then he went for just under three months consistently telling me that he thought we were done.  He changed his mind again just under a month ago and wants to work things out.

I have also changed my mind many times.  I think I have always *wanted* to work things out if he could sober up and learn to manage his issues and life independently and we could find a way to be together harmoniously and happily.  However, my opinion on whether or not that could ever be possible has changed nearly as much as his on whether or not he wants to work things out.

J's relationship with our son has vastly improved, particularly over the past 2 months.  He is really engaging with and bonding with Ben in a positive and responsible way.  This is the first time I have really seen him act as a true parent and put our son's interests ahead of his own.  It's nice to see.

We have been discussing a transition path to him moving back into the house and I need to figure out how much time I need for that as well as the specific things I need to see happen.  I have heard a year's sobriety minimum before making such a move and think I might need the same time of him being consistent with our son and in his intent to work things out with me before I feel safe in living with him.

I want to reconnect myself with this group because I need to be very careful not to allow myself to fall into any old patterns.  I have come a long way independently and as a mother in the past several months and need to keep moving in the right direction -- no steps backwards.

I will try to keep this updated more frequently.  Looking back was helpful and I imagine I will want to do that again!