Diary Entries for lifeasbipolar

Bipolar? An insult ?!

lifeasbipolar

So, one of my friends said that another friend went missing today... that she just vanished. I asked is she bipolar or does she have anohter condition?

So, she got SOOO offended and said no she's not bipolar. She doesn't have anything LIKE THAT!

What? When was being bipolar such a horrible thing? I understand it's a difficult illness but, come on! People should really get educated on what bipolar is! How would they like it if we said oh, you're ...( a nationality) [...]

Not too bad

lifeasbipolar

So... not too bad today. I slept til 11 so, I'm well rested and feel like I can get something accomplished today. At least, I hope.

I really need to clean the house. I have to go to the laundromatbecause of my husband getting sick all over our comforter yesterday. Lucky me! I'm hoping my husband doesn't realize that I had 2 drinks yesterday. He always notices when alcohol is missing.

Hope everyone has a good day!

My baby / hubby

lifeasbipolar

So, my hubby woke up this morning with the chills, a 103.5 fever and vomiting. He has to stay over at the hospital until they get the results of his tests back. I'm so nervous. They said it maybe serious.

Right now, I'm home. I just got back not too long ago and am starting to pick up all of the mess of him being sick. It's making me sick in the process...yuck!

So, now I'm stuck sleeping by myself tonight... first time in a long time.

I failed

lifeasbipolar

I was doing so good without the drugs and I slipped and ended up doing it all night the other night. It makes me feel like a normal person and not so damn tired all of the time. I wish I didn'tspend that money though. It really was money that I didn't have and I feel like I failed. I was doing so good for about a month. I really don't want to do it anymore for the fact of the money and that I feel like crap afterwards, feeling like I betrayed me and my husband. He doesn't know [...]

Pregnancy and bipolar disorder

lifeasbipolar

So, I have been feeling dizzy lately, menstrual cycle was barely there and I got sick this morning then shortly after felt great again then to almost passing out in the store.

So, I took a prenancytest this afternoon and it came up negative. Just for future rference because I do want kids... what do I do medication wise if I do get pregnant?

I'm sure my pdoc will tell me what to do when that time comes around but, just curious. Also, is it harder to get pregnant on these meds? [...]

Happy or Sad??? Not sure what to feel

lifeasbipolar

I just found out my husband got a new job. We've been together 24/7 for as long as I can remember. What am I going to do without him here? He starts this weekend. I think I'm upset. I just want to cry thinking about how lonely I'm going to be.

What if he finds someone better than me while working? He does deserve better.

I mean, we do need the money. We've been struggling and trying to live on my ssi for a while now and it just isn't working.

I'm [...]

A lot to deal with

lifeasbipolar

Why, oh why...

I'm just having a couple of crazy days. I'm not going to let it get me down though. I just have to realize everything happens for a reason. I can't wait to see my pdoc again. I was having hallucinations the other day and it was pretty scary. I talked to my therapist about it and she said to make sure I remember to tell my pdoc.

Why do I always forget to tell her important things? If I'm having a good couple of days it's like it erases from my m [...]

Soooo...

lifeasbipolar

Not much is going on here. Just wanted to share that I am feeling ok. I was a little disturbed by my husband earlier saying he lives in hell. Just because he had to make himself a grilled cheese sandwich...please! I've been cooking for him all day! He never stops eating!

Thank God the hallucinations stopped last night. I just went to bed instead of trying top stay awake. I'm definitely tired and sluggish today. I didn't get much accomplished. Maybe tomorrow I'll clean a [...]

So here comes the fun stuff

lifeasbipolar

Mania? The letters on my screen are moving around in waves and my keyboard is bumpy in perception so much that I can't really type. It looks like I'm typing on rocks. I'm on no drugs except for Abilify, wellbutrin, Xanax, and Ambien for the bipolar. Does anyone else get these weird things happening. Is it bipolar or something else? Hallucinations maybe? Please help... very scary. Not sure whether I should go to sleep, if I can.

Do I tell?

lifeasbipolar

Does everyone come clean about their illness or should we keep it a secret? The more I'm talking about it though, the more people I'm finding out are ALSO bipolar! Does anyone truely understandthe illness though if they don't have it? Do you find yourself thinking that even though they have it, it's not as bad as you feel? That it's worse for you? Help me get out of this rut!

So tired!

lifeasbipolar

I'm thinking of stopping my mood stabilizer just so I can be manic. I'm so tired of being depressed! Anyone have any suggestions? I just can't live like this.

SSI / JAIL?

lifeasbipolar

So, it turns out... Social Security was in on Saturday and they said I'm in a lot of trouble for not reporting my changes of address and marriage. Am I going to go to jail? I'm so scared. I alsoworked for about 6 months and didn't report it. I just want to cry. I've made so many mistakes in my life. I just don't know what to do. My appt is in 2 weeks and I'm freaking out everyday. I have to take xanax more than ever just to deal with this. Worst of all they said my mom wa [...]

SSI payments

lifeasbipolar

soci al security called me today looking for me in reference to my change of address. Is it a big deal that I got married and moved? How will this affect my ssi payments? Do they work on Saturdaysor is this a bogus call. They gave me a disconnected number to call back. I did change my address though... I'm stumped!

Withdrawals

lifeasbipolar

OMG! I just want to die. My body has this weird, painful feeling. My arms can barely type. I haven't had a vicodin since yesterday morning after taking 4-6 per day. I'm in so much agony. Is thereanything to help???

Bipolar confrontations

lifeasbipolar

So, my husband was telling me tonight how bipoloar people see things distorted and tell their own little version of a story or situation.

I told him he just doesn't get it. I have tousually conceal my feelings or play them down in front of him in order to make this marriage work. He just doesn't understand. As soon as I tell him remotely how I'm feeling he says I'm "crazy" for feeling that way and that it's not "real". Ugh!

I wi [...]

Family counseling???

lifeasbipolar

The first question is... Do I have to??? Is it wrong of me to not want to go?

I feel like I have enough issues of my own and enough therapy and psychiatrist visits, now I have to go for someoneelse.

I know I'm being selfish but, I just don't want the confrontation. I think I'd rather live in the dark.

Getting frustrated. Hard to handle.

lifeasbipolar

My husband is getting on my nerves, badly. He just expects so much from me and just doesn't understand sometimes that it's hard for me to function like a person without this illness. Sometimeshe's so supportive. I just didn't know that getting married was signing me on to do EVERYTHING for someone. All I do is cook and clean for him. I can barely take care of myself most days.

I'm sorry to vent. I'm just so aggravated and hyper but, in the same breath I'm so [...]

Day 1

lifeasbipolar

So, I just joined this site today. So far it hasn't been too inviting. I've commented on a few posts and sent a few emails. I'm not sure if this is the right site for me.

I was diagnosedbetween 5-7 yrs ago. Not sure which bipolar I have, I never asked. Am I supposed to?

I am on a big mixture of meds and up until now was doing fine. Lately I am extremely manic and started popping pills. I just don't know how to stop / where to turn. I don't want to tell my husba [...]