Starting my road to recovery.

So John just left about an hour ago for a few days. Its the first time weve been apart really aside from the court order since he got back. I dont feel stable enough to be alone right now. I dont knowwhat it is, the uncertainty of everything maybe. IDK. But I know my nerves are shot and all I have done is cried since he left. What is wrong with me??? Im scared that even though hes going to be gone for only a few days I may screw up and do something wrong. What if I have a drink, what if I just hop in my car and run home. I feel like my mind wonders so much right now and Im so unstable that I cant make decisions for myself right now because Im making them on impulse. Until I learn the tools to deal with the mood swings I feel like I need John here to help me right now. I know I cant have him and I know I have to be strong. Im just so sad this morning...