My Pain |
Mar 14 2010 |
I live my life wearing a smile for everyone to see. I live my life with a laugh for everyone to hear. I am an extremely strong and positive women focused on the better things in life, I try not to let my many illnesses bother me but every now and then they creep up on me when the pain is so unbearable and I just cant help but wonder.....why me?
I even most times think of my illnesses as a positive thing like maybe they were handed to me because I am strong and I can handle them, I am somewhat educated and try to help others to the best of my ability.....
I had many friends and I was that good friend that everyone could go to for advice, support a shoulder to cry on and when I needed support the most I was left behind and now I have not even ONE of those friends. I am so grateful for finding this site because I was able to meet wonderful friends that understand what I am going through first hand but it does obviously hurt sometimes to not have any friends to hang out with in real life, its makes me feel like a leper at times. I sometimes see people out and watch them talk, yeah I know I sound creepy but its not like that I swear. I saw a lady the other day talking while I was waiting at my daughters conference and it was such a simple conversation but she was dressed so nice and she was talking about some cafe she went to lunch with her friend and some night her and her husband would have to try it the meat was nicely sliced. She was definately kind of uppity but nice she seemed so much more "normal" than me. I watched her and had tears in my eyes before meeting my daughters teacher looking like a bum limping. I did everything I could to stop the tears and put a smile on my face. I know everyone has problems and she could absolutely have her share but you know what I mean. I want to look great, talk great and have friends to go have lunch with when I actually feel well enough to leave my house or even have one that wants to visit me. I cant pretend I dont care anymore.
Thank God for my husband, my best friend or I would never have made it. He is my strength, him and my 3 daughters of course. I dont even know what kind of person I would be like without them. His life revolves around me he never complains and is actually so happy with me and I cant help but wonder why but I know of course I shouldnt question it but just continue being happy as well.
I have been having a hard time lately dealing with my MS, the symptoms have been very bad. I have been doing my injections every night and trying to wait patiently to see some results. I am hoping I will be one of the lucky ones that actually notices some results. My Fibro seems unrelenting and the two combined are driving me bananas and just makes me want to cry. My Bipolar has been stable for close to a year now, my meds are all up to par I know this has nothing to do with that but I am just in so much pain and needed to vent because its causing a little pain break down. I can no longer read the words I am typing so I guess this is good for now. :(
Love and Hugs, Stacey
Update on MS and Lupus Diagnosis
Anxious
Lumbar Puncture after effects..ugh
Lumbar Puncture
It's so hard to be the one with the smile all the time, isn't it? I've always been that person myself and still find it hard to even admit I'm not well.
So I can relate to the "I'm fine"
I hope your pain lets you go soon. I'm sure your family must be so proud of you...your daughters and your husband know how sick you are and how you rock everything you do.
Love & hugs,
Your husband loves you because you are a beautiful woman! Look at your holiday snaps. Those "normal" people all have a veil that goes on everyday.
Their lives also have pain. But they do not have someone as wonderful as you to turn to..
So thank you Stacy.. Love you my sister.
Tommy. *flowers*
Inspiration
Winners take chances. Like everyone else they fear failing, but they refuse to let fear control them.
Winners don’t give up. When life gets rough, they hang in there until the going gets better.
Winners are flexible. They realize there’s more than one way and are willing to try others.
Winners know they are not perfect. They respect their weaknesses while making the most of their strengths.
Winners fall but they don’t stay down. They stubbornly refuse to let a fall keep them from climbing.
Winners don’t blame fate for their failures nor luck for their successes.
Winners are positive thinkers and accept responsibility for their lives. They seek good in all things. Of the ordinary, they make the extraordinary.
Winners believe in the path they have chosen even when it’s hard, even when others can’t see where they’re going.
Winners are patient. They know a goal is only worthy of the effort that’s required to achieve it.
Winners are people like you who make the world a better place to be…
A 
I feel your pain, we've talked on several occassions, I do know what it is like to not have the support of those you need most, friends and family. I am very lucky to have a husband (who can certainly be a pain), my 17 yr old daughter and my Best Friend who keeps me going. I often get comments from my Mother, who is very religious, "why do you put that stuff in your body", she tells me things like "live it in God's hands", well, I for one whole heartly believe in the Lord Almighty and the power of prayer, but I also believe that God gave doctors the ability to help people like you and I. I wished I could bring her to my level and make her understand why I take the meds, I flat out say I DON"T WANT TO BE PARALYZED OR BLIND! That's Why!!
I started taking the Avonex injections about 2 weeks ago and I'll swear that is the hardest thing a person can deal with! The injection itself does not hurt but the though my my having this terrible disease and fibro, among other things that make me also wonder WHY ME! What did I do to deserve this?
I give you loads of credit for being able to handle all you deal with, you are a stong and WONDERFUL person and I am glad to have had the pleasure to conversing with you! Bless you!
Oh, I understand seeing "normal people" and getting upset. Everywhere I go, I see moms and their kids playing and smiling, being happy, pain-free kids. I am actually jealous, and I cry at the drop of a hat. I know I should be happy for what we have, but all I can think is, why my son? Why does he have to live like this, and why can't we be that happy family grilling out or going to ballgames, or even just the normal routine of going to school.
We have to be strong, and remember that God has a plan for all of us, even if we don't see it. Only the strongest get the heavy load, so you must be SuperWoman! Know we all support you, and are hoping you will be better soon!
Love ya lots and be kind to yourself, J
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