|Mar 14 2010|
I live my life wearing a smile for everyone to see. I live my life with a laugh for everyone to hear. I am an extremely strong and positive women focused on the better things in life, I try not to let my many illnesses bother me but every now and then they creep up on me when the pain is so unbearable and I just cant help but wonder.....why me?
I even most times think of my illnesses as a positive thing like maybe they were handed to me because I am strong and I can handle them, I am somewhat educated and try to help others to the best of my ability.....
I had many friends and I was that good friend that everyone could go to for advice, support a shoulder to cry on and when I needed support the most I was left behind and now I have not even ONE of those friends. I am so grateful for finding this site because I was able to meet wonderful friends that understand what I am going through first hand but it does obviously hurt sometimes to not have any friends to hang out with in real life, its makes me feel like a leper at times. I sometimes see people out and watch them talk, yeah I know I sound creepy but its not like that I swear. I saw a lady the other day talking while I was waiting at my daughters conference and it was such a simple conversation but she was dressed so nice and she was talking about some cafe she went to lunch with her friend and some night her and her husband would have to try it the meat was nicely sliced. She was definately kind of uppity but nice she seemed so much more "normal" than me. I watched her and had tears in my eyes before meeting my daughters teacher looking like a bum limping. I did everything I could to stop the tears and put a smile on my face. I know everyone has problems and she could absolutely have her share but you know what I mean. I want to look great, talk great and have friends to go have lunch with when I actually feel well enough to leave my house or even have one that wants to visit me. I cant pretend I dont care anymore.
Thank God for my husband, my best friend or I would never have made it. He is my strength, him and my 3 daughters of course. I dont even know what kind of person I would be like without them. His life revolves around me he never complains and is actually so happy with me and I cant help but wonder why but I know of course I shouldnt question it but just continue being happy as well.
I have been having a hard time lately dealing with my MS, the symptoms have been very bad. I have been doing my injections every night and trying to wait patiently to see some results. I am hoping I will be one of the lucky ones that actually notices some results. My Fibro seems unrelenting and the two combined are driving me bananas and just makes me want to cry. My Bipolar has been stable for close to a year now, my meds are all up to par I know this has nothing to do with that but I am just in so much pain and needed to vent because its causing a little pain break down. I can no longer read the words I am typing so I guess this is good for now. :(
Love and Hugs, Stacey
Update on MS and Lupus Diagnosis
Lumbar Puncture after effects..ugh
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