|Aug 06 2010|
My eating disorder is in full swing. I saw my doctor yesterday and he increased the prozac 60 mg. I'm not optimistic at this point because my mind is so strong. 3 weeks ago my goal was to gain 10 pounds...I lost 1 pound. Yesterday I ate awful. I ate a burrito and cereal and 1/2 of a chicken breast. That is the most I've eaten in weeks. But I was pumped up after seeing my doc and I really wanted to eat well. I went shopping and bought some stuff I thought I would eat. But this morning, I don't want any of it. I weighed myself as soon as I got up and in my mind I said, "good, just want to loose 5 more pounds." but I know it won't stop at that. I do not think I'm fat, I look at myself in the mirror and I look disgusting..no wonder my husband doesn't tell me I'm beautiful. I"M NOT! I told my husband I went to the doc and I explained to him what's going on. The doc said I could have anorexia...I do NOT believe this is true because I do eat everyday around 2pm. But I do believe I'm still extremely depressed and I don't see any end in sight soon. My husband is gone 12 hours a day and in two weeks he is leaving on a trip for 2 weeks. And my girlfriend is leaving as well, so I will be here all by myself and that kinda scares me because I know I won't eat...I just know it. Hopefully in two week my meds will be stronger than my mind. I think about food every minute of every day...It's driving me crazy.
Again, thanks to this site. I am writing daily and I'm going to give it 60 days....if I'm not better, then I know this doesn't work either.
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