does jayden undestand |
Aug 07 2010 |
ever since i oded i have worried so much that jayden thinks i'm a bad mom. i was told that everyone in heaven is perfect. that would mean that jayden would know that i love her and she would stilllove me and not reject me as a mom. the problem is i feel like i failed as a mom by not being stronger and i feel hesitant to talk to her like i did before i overdosed. the other day i felt her presence when i was outside, but for some reason i don't quite understand, it made me so very sad. dealing with the death of a baby is the hardest thing imagenable, but right this min. i want to make it through. cause i am still alive, there is still time for me to be a good mom.
waiting in limbo
emtional struggle going to doctor
what should have been
father's day
planning a bear party
emtional struggle going to doctor
what should have been
father's day
planning a bear party
Comments (2)
Ya know, when we see our loved ones who have passed come back to visit, it's often for us a thing of sadness. We want them to come back, to stay, to be with us in body, not just spirit. And that can't be. So, we feel a sadness that is unnatural to the order of things. This is especially so when a loss is recent. But our loved ones don't grieve on the other side. They rarely feel that anything is left undone--at least by my faith system--because there are things they've chosen before life to experience (the ones you hear about with things undone are uncommon--you hear about it because it's such a big deal, if that makes sense?). This is something that can be difficult for us to understand in life, but after life, it will all be explained/understood. There is so much I can say, but if you're open to experiencing visits again with her, and if you can be open to her emotions vs. your own, I think you'll find that the sadness won't be so profound, as your own emotions won't overwhelm the visit. If you'd like to talk more about this, I'd be glad to discuss it in a PM, just toss me a line...
Gentle hugs, Jen
Gentle hugs, Jen
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I thought about this very thing the other day, wondering if they could see me, and if they wished they could be with me. As sad as it makes me, I don't think they do. I know if Heaven were around me and I was in God's presence I would never want to leave.
That said, I do not think they judge us either, or that their loss is a commentary on us as Mothers.
Too, you did not fail as a Mother. We all fall. What makes us good parents is how we pick ourselves up, and how we give good examples to our children of how to recover.