FUCK. rite know i am having another anxiety attack. Plus one moment ago i was smiling && know i am the total opposite (bi-polar). How could he hurt meso much. My own flesh and blood. and try to bye back my love with money ETC. W T F and i know that telling my mother was a HUGE step for me BUT, i don't even know how i have made it this far. AND I've never been so scared in my life to confront someone. My g-ma i hope she will believe me. And if she doesn't i will just keep living.  I am most scared of how its going to affect her.  She just lost her mother Rip 6-3-08 and know this. How is she going to take it.  && im just so afraid her reaction and what shes going to do. FUCK my heart && my head is in so much pain. WAT 2 DO WAT 2 DO!?!

1st entry.

DAMN. diary

I cant even begin to explain my emotions. My feelings. My thoughts always lead to depression. But yet i am always thinking . Mostly making every1s pain mine. Just when i need a shoulder the people who said they were here disapered in a snap. WHY? i guess i am better off with out them huh. But i cant say that it doesnt hurt because it does. Its always the ones that seem the closest that let you down. Well on sat i have 2 confess my BIGGEST secret to my grandmother who just lost her mom. The secret is that her husband molested me back in 2006. I barely turned 14. I dont remember the date because i didnt even want 2 remember it. I adored him && he took that advantage from me. He knew i wouldnt say no.  I barely old my mother a few days ago && one of my sisters. && if i dont tell my g-ma then they will. None of my un- immediate family will believe me over him. Because they know him better then i .. and he would never appear as a rapist. But i have to stay strong && keep my head up. The only problem is i feel like hardly any1 knows wat i am going threw. SO if u understand my pain PLEASE be here 4 me. Because i have lilttle 2 no1 here!