Sleepytoenails

Still awake at 1:42 AM. Haven't tried to sleep yet. Just haven't gotten around to going. Too much computer. Ecstasy- hard word to spell. Cure for depression? White Mamba not to be found. Falselead? I'm just a wannabe druggie. But in the end just kinda too responsible or afraid. Time changed. Got a gradually lighting lamp for the morning. So far it's been nice. Don't know how ef

Wow! didn't realize that it has been so long since I last wrote. Days are going to get shorter which is terrible but am going to find some sun and warmth in November on a Caribbean cruise. Yay! Finishedthe Insanity workout in June and haven't done a single serious workout since. Hah! I claim burnout but really just don't feel like it. I know it helps depression but am exerting some kin

Just started playing piano again. Music really speaks to my soul, so affecting. Scott the Piano Guy says just play the melody and the chords and things will sound great. It actually works. So the intimidatingsongs just get converted to "fake books" or songsheets and suddenly I can play a little. Yay!

Reading snippet of Rob Lowe's Biography in Vanity Fair. Outsiders has so ma

Some people take a day off work for their birthday but I went to work and it was great because I got a lot of well wishes. Made me happy to hear. Crazy to think about my age. Don't have kids so everyonethinks I'm younger. Went to dealing with challenging patients and family member course last week. So angry because some ignorant person asked the psychologist speaker if there was a test to

Really enjoying the sunshine. Getting out in it as much as possible. So much better in the longer days. The rainstorms are quick and then the sun comes out again. 

Went to a class on personality disorders. Interesting. We all have some of each of them. Interesting to hear and read about them all parsed out in psych language. I'd love to become a life or healthcoach. Don't know anyone personally though. That is the next step. Also bought a book and DVDs on energy healing. One of Donna Eden's ideas is about tapping meridians in the body and that de

All the time runs together. Years go by and some hours may drag. Sometimes sad for the "lost time" due to depression. Trying to"live in the moment." Trying not to waste any more time. Then depression and work take it away before I realize it. So happy the days are getting longer. Love the sunshine.

Took a day off of work on Thursday and slept the entire day. Felt better on Friday so it was worth it. Browsed through the library today in the self-help section. Don't you love to do that in the bookstores too? If I could only incorporate just 25% of ONE of these books into my life things would be better. Figure that reading this is like brain food. Studies show that reading negative words in

If you are near Centreville, VA there is a Korean "Spa World" that you can hang out for hours in various heat rooms, whirlpools, saunas, Korean restaurants and locker rooms. Just $35 dollarsfor 12 hours and open 24 hours a day for those of us who don't sleep well. Love that everyone wears the same uniform and no one has to talk or care what anyone else is doing or looks like.

Are you reading this diary? Write me! I'm feeling detached. Ever hear the song "Detachable Penis?" It is Hilarious! Makes me laugh every time.

Is the fear of being healthy stronger than the desire to reach that unreachable goal? Is it reachable? Who do I identify myself as? The depressed me or the maximum potential me? The vision board in mymind is more important than anything I can draw, cut and paste together. Those internalized images are more powerful and don't need to be deliberately reviewed to stick. So...what pictures do I ha

Does anyone else feel like their dreams are sometimes more real than their actual "real" lives? Slept 12 hours straight from work until 8 this morning. Actually almost 14 hours. Then ate beautiful scrambled eggs that Jessica made. Then went back and slept from 12 to 7 PM off and on. Then ate crackers, yogurt, donuts, rice soup and plain potato chips. Food of Champions! Watched Big Ban

Difficult to remember the big picture on why to get up in the morning and remember my commitments are not my choices to be made each day. It's ALWAYS better when I show up to work. Told a coworkerthat it's a victory when I make it to work each day. each one. He didn't take me seriously as non-depressed people "just don't get it." That's why I'm talking to you guys

Got this great furry hat with ear flaps. It looks completely silly and makes me laugh every time I wear it. And it's super warm. When I turn it inside out it makes me look like my beagle. He probablyis very happy that I finally got ears.

It seems that I can't write diary pages on the iPad. Anyone else notice that? Ok. It turns out that I can't think of any goofy things to write today. It's been a day filled with unexpectedsituations. Definitely helped some people today. I'm thankful for my job.

So, finding and figuring out this website. Sounds like a great adventure and a way to create friendships. Hey! this clock is 3 hours behind my time. Today I sat on a mouse and it started talking. Here's what it said: Sleepytoes you are squishingme. Apply that lesson to your life. So I interpreted that to mean that I need to start sitting on more animals. Or I ought to wear waterproof pants.