Diary Entries for afresh30

The Riot

afresh30

Been such a long min since i wrote that may be y i feel backed up-lol 2 me anyway just came from doc, so now there is no change in lupus meds for the next three months b/c the ones im on isnt doing anythingso what is the point of being on them right? but there is sooooo much going on its feels like there is a riot- my knees/legs hurt so badly that I have a HARD time just walkin to the bathroom about 40-60ft away from da bed!! I pee on me and thats no fun-seriously tho its embarrassing had sur [...]

Round and Round I go....

afresh30

..don't they know i am dizzy already I'm on enough meds to make a bull elephant sleep think they are trying to say sumtin??? anywho last month i was in the hospital for a small minute see i stoppedbreathing and was on my way outta here but God said not so and I thank Him for saving me again! anyway my family was sick with colds and for once i wasn't so i was seeing to everyone then on wed i was on my neb taking treatments every 2 hrs so i said not bad then thurs it was even wor [...]

Morphine

afresh30

I am back on my morph and lovin' it-the pain has been lighter I am supposed to be up walking, but both of my feet are swollen I can barely walk on them, they feel like they are gonna split open atany moment and if i shake my foot my bones feel like they are floating in jello, I don't see ortho until 2-15, pc on 2-17, no salt added or do I cook with, I drink only water and occasionally iced tea- I really can not believe they can clone a sheep-grow an ear on a rat yet they can't fix us [...]

Irritated

afresh30

Oh my gosh it seems like the enemy is really on his grind I am quickly irritated and that is not me, first off I joined this online support group and I was a member for over a year and a half and I wasreplying to posts sending heartfelt wishes/prayers and they just told me on 1-7-that I was being censored!! that I can not tell people to seek God etc, or how God works in my life because that is forcing my religion on other people(now this did not come from the woman I was writing who in her own p [...]

Oh My Goodness

afresh30

My body just informed me that it ran a 50k marathon then went and swam the English channel my brain had no idea, and i guess since i lost everyone else got to run over top of me....feeling junked evenafter 15 hrs serta surfin'- gotta get up though still gotta people to be(mom,wife,friend,confidant, etc..) while surfin did get a chance to catch The Wiz, still a good movie...i understand the tin man slide some oil to me- atee hee hee- atee hee hee! If I couldn't say a word, I will wave my [...]

friday night party

afresh30

its 3.15am and yet another night i can't sleep the pain is horrible, my legs have nasty charlie horses trying to start and every joint,nerve and muscle feel like they are in businesses of their own, every one of em is starting a revolt but that's ok this too will pass, and of course my little sympathizer is awake tearing out everything his little hands can touch- this affects others also

marriage

afresh30

i feel like my marriage is changing and i don't know if i care anymore, when i was first diagnosed my hubby went into denial still is i think i ask simple things like can you massage my legs for aminute and it is a whole process, we barely talk anymore he jams him mp4 in his ears and goes to lala land, this is not the man i married period, there are other issues going on but it seems/feels like we always have to focus on him and his always and we do no exaggeration its really really irritati [...]