Sleepless Nights

i feel like my marriage is changing and i don't know if i care anymore, when i was first diagnosed my hubby went into denial still is i think i ask simple things like can you massage my legs for aminute and it is a whole process, we barely talk anymore he jams him mp4 in his ears and goes to lala land, this is not the man i married period, there are other issues going on but it seems/feels like we always have to focus on him and his always and we do no exaggeration its really really irritating did i mention really irritating stuff i go through i go through alone drs, surgeries, med changes he hasn't been there and i am nervous that i have a lot of animosity towards him and not enough forgiveness- asked God to help me forgive him and i thought i did honestly i am second guessing if i did or not or if the enemy wants it to seem that way, and yes i tried to talk to him and he walks outta the room or lays down and closes his eyes we don't even sleep in the same room anymore our kids sleep in the bed with me my big bad 20yr daughter and our 2 yr old son-since we found out about the ails my babygirl has been right with me and it shouldn't be so i know she loves me but i refuse to rob her of her life, yet i am to the point with my hubby i wanna ask why are you here is it habit(20yrs) cuz it isn't love(active)- am i whining i feel like i am so i need to step back for a few minutes, God knows and thats enough sorry needed a minute didn't realize how much i was holding