Why wear a ribbon?

"RSD has destroyed my life. The pain is relentless. It is a demon which has a lif..." (Richard67)

MDJunction to me

"I found MDJunction at a time when I was struggling with so much. I
was so sick. I found a home, a place where people understood me, when
even my family doubted me. In MDJ, I found a place of refuge, love,
and support. I come here daily, to find my balance, to cope, and to
find that same support I've found from day 1. MDJ is my new family.
The friends I've made here will remain with me for a lifetime." (fluffyluggage)

more testimonials

Serenity

Better Days.

How Much Is too much?

Feb 04 2009

How much can an individual take before their world falls?

Leukemia, blood clots,

How much can a person really take? Leukemia, bloodclots,( pulmonaryembolism,BP and back surgery.

Going to court 2x to take care of visitation and child support. Can`t handle any more than this. SSI, VA benefits; all in progress.

I`m on the edge of nowhere. Not depression, not mania. Something in between.I`m aware of the triggers. Stress is a big one.

IF i took a job I`d lose my mind. What can I do to manage this?

I`ve been dealing with this longer than most and I`ve reached my breaking point. I want peace and nothing more. I feel like running, but that`s the worst thing I could do. I`ve done that before and it lead to more pain.

I`m not going into the BP thing; it doesn`t matter. A man or woman can take only so much before cracking . I`m waiting and that`s it. A plane flying in circles that can`t land. What can I do?

I`m tired and at that point. Not suicide! Breaking and falling into an Abyss.

How much is too much? How far can I fall? What `s next?

I love Jesus and wonder where He is sometimes. He`s there, but sometimes I`m so bewildered I can`t see what is real.

My faith is all I have. I pray that someone understands where I am.

Previous diary posts by bluezeroviz:

Bad Day

Comments (2) Add Comment

written by golferel, February 04, 2009

I dont have words either. But your comment " I love Jesus and wonder where He is sometimes" resonated with me. If you wonder where He is - He is still in your thoughts and He cant be too far. I hope your faith gives you peace.

written by bluezeroviz, February 05, 2009

thankyou for your kind words and thoughts.