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carmen33"When I first came to MDJ, I was in a very dark place, and feeling quite alone, I don't know how I found this site, but I have been very grateful ever since, all of you have offered insight to the illness of Bipolar and the other things going on with me, being here has allowed me to find friends, and to feel safe in discussing things that I would never have shared before.

I believe it has also offered me the chance to reach out and help others. A simple Thank you, is all that I have to offer, to this site and to the wonderful people here.
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bluezeroviz Better Days.


How Much Is too much?

Feb 04 2009

How much can an individual take before their world falls?

Leukemia, blood clots, 

 

 

 How much can a person really take? Leukemia, bloodclots,( pulmonaryembolism,BP and back surgery.

Going to court 2x to take care of visitation and child support. Can`t handle any more than this. SSI, VA benefits; all in progress.

I`m on the edge of nowhere. Not depression, not mania. Something in between.I`m aware of the triggers. Stress is a big one.

IF i took a job I`d lose my mind. What can I do to manage this?

I`ve been dealing with this longer than most and I`ve reached my breaking point. I want peace and nothing more. I feel like running, but that`s the worst thing I could do. I`ve done that before and it lead to more pain.

I`m not going into the BP thing; it doesn`t matter. A man or woman can take only so much before cracking . I`m waiting and that`s it. A plane flying in circles that can`t land. What can I do? 

I`m tired and at that point. Not suicide! Breaking and falling into an Abyss.

How much is too much? How far can I fall? What `s next?

I love Jesus and wonder where He is sometimes. He`s there, but sometimes I`m so bewildered I can`t see what is real.

My faith is all I have. I pray that someone understands where I am.

 

 

 



Previous diary posts by bluezeroviz:
Comments (2)Add Comment
written by golferel, February 04, 2009
I dont have words either. But your comment " I love Jesus and wonder where He is sometimes" resonated with me. If you wonder where He is - He is still in your thoughts and He cant be too far. I hope your faith gives you peace.
written by bluezeroviz, February 05, 2009
thankyou for your kind words and thoughts. smilies/smiley.gif

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